Hindsight
by Ct2191
Summary: It's been three months since Jim Davis was killed, and Millie is having trouble getting over what happened. When a young women is found wandering the streets after a brutal attack Millie discovers a tape which sends her right back to where it all started.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a sequel to my first story, Retrospective. You may want to read that before this or the storyline here won't make too much sense. **

…

It had been nearly three months since the death of Jim Davis and a lot had changed for Millie and Rachel. For a start, they were now living together in Millie's house. For another, this was the first day back for the both of them; after they were granted leave due to the "Stressful circumstances" they found themselves in three months ago.

Sally had visited practically every week, making sure they were recovering well and grilling Millie about how she was feeling after she heard that Millie had ended up in rape/ sexual assault counselling support group. Terry had decided to move back to London from her flat in Australia because she wanted to get to know the half sister who she thought was her cousin. She was around for dinner every day, for reasons Rachel believed were to check up on them rather than the innocent "Because I'm lonely" excuse she had given when Rachel had asked.

Millie and Rachel grew closer almost every day, but something was wrong and they both knew it. Not with their relationship, they were as happy as they could be, but with the memories. Rachel froze every time Millie bought up the subject of Davis, often making excuses to get away then locking herself into the bathroom and crying her eyes out.

Millie was having her own difficulties also. Sometimes she would let her mind wonder, back to the warehouse and she found herself scared witless and calling for Rachel to hold her. The counselling sessions were helping her deal with how she felt, but her insomnia was 10 time worse every time she went, and she figured it was because vocalizing what had happened to her made it seem more vivid. The only relief she got was when Rachel crawled into bed beside her and wrapped her arms around Millie's waist, holding her close.

They both knew that to get past everything they needed to talk to one and other about what had happened, but they both still found it hard vocalizing the hell they went through, so they kept quiet. It's not like they hadn't tried to talk about it, but they both wound up crying their eyes out when they started to relive what had happened.

…

Rachel awoke to a gentle kissing on the back of her neck. She smiled and shuffled round in the bed until she was facing Millie, who was propped up on her pillow smiling.

"Morning beautiful." Millie murmured softly, kissing her forehead and moving a lock of hair out of her eyes with a finger.

"Mornin'" Replied Rachel rubbing her eyes like a child and grinning at her lover.

"Sleep well?" Millie asked, caressing her girlfriend's cheek.

"Mmm… well we didn't exactly do much sleeping, did we?" Rachel replied with a mischievous grin on her face.

"You're getting cheekier by the day, you know that?" Said Millie in a joking voice. "Now c'mere!"

Millie pushed Rachel flat onto her back and started kissing her face and tickling her ribs, making Rachel laugh her head off. Rachel then turned the tables on Millie, pushing her off and kissing her neck. They then proceeded to roll off of the bed and onto the floor, collapsing in a pile of limbs shaking with laughter.

"No... No... Stop!" gasped Rachel through laughter, trying to protect her ribs.

"Ok.. ok." Sighed Millie, clambering off of her and staring deep into her eyes before closing the gap between them and kissing her lips.

They stayed there for a moment, holding each other close, and Rachel rubbing Millie's back as their naked bodies touched. It took a couple of minutes for them to regain their senses and realize what day it was.

"Oh damn!" Sighed Millie, as the broke apart. "We don't exactly want to be late on out first day back…"

"We're fine, Sally offered to pick us up, remember?" Rachel replied, grinning.

"What time?" Millie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhm… 8:30 I think." Replied Rachel.

"And the time now is…" Millie began, propping herself up on her pillows to get a look at the alarm clock.

They poked there heads over the bed and stared at the alarm clock, their expressions simultaneously turning from worry to horror.

It was 8:31.

…

"You two looking forward to being back?" Sally asked as she drove them in a police car to the nick.

Neither Millie nor Rachel answered, instead Millie gripped Rachel's hand a little tighter and Rachel put a hand on her shoulder in response.

"Hey, don't worry. As far as it goes at the nick, everyone knows about you two and they couldn't be more supportive." Sally added reassuringly, staring at them in the mirror.

"What do you mean supportive?" asked Rachel, starring at Sally's eyes on the mirror.

"They are happy for you both; they want to help you move on. That's all." Sally replied. "OI mate what the hell is your game!"

A jet black car had pulled in front of the police car, and was moving at a speed that was at least double the speed limit. Sally let out an angry roar and turned on the sirens, as she sped up and started to give chase. She took one hand of the wheel to chuck her radio to Millie, who caught it with a nod.

"We have sierra Oscar one can you read me?" Millie called through the radio.

"This is sierra Oscar one. Millie? Is that you?" Called Smithy, surprise clear.

"Smithy, we have a situation. Unknown black car just overtook us, licence plate SE25 F4P. The driver is going at over double the speed limit." Millie called over the radio, ignoring his surprise. "We're turning out of Crescent drive onto Carlow lane now."

"Ok PC brown, I'll be sending backup ASAP." Smithy replied, all traces of surprise gone.

Sally sped up until they were almost scratching the back of the black car with their own. She then suddenly sped up more and swerved in front of the car, making the back car screech to a stop. The driver shot out and so did Rachel, sprinting up to the hooded man too quickly for him to escape. She rugby tackled him the ground, sending them both flying into a nearby ditch. After a brief struggle along with Millie and Sally jumping into the fray and pulling out the hooded man.

"Name. now." Ordered Rachel.

"Gordon Brown." Replied the man with a slight grin on his face.

"And your real name." Commanded Sally, tightening the cuffs.

"None of your damn business sweetheart." Replied the guy, staring at Rachel and Millie. "I didn't think other prisoners were allowed to help with arrests."

"Sergeant Weston. PC Millie brown." Rachel said, pointing at her girlfriend. "Now lets not forget PC Sally Armstrong. I warn you, she does have a tendency to stray form the rules and I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate a kick in a very sensitive area."

"Alright... alright… my names Martin Wayne if you must know." Replied the man staring over his shoulder at Sally who did look about ready to knee him. "What's wrong with PC Brown over there?"

Millie was hiding behind Rachel's shoulder, her expression wide and terrified.

"Millie…" Murmured Rachel softly.

"Everything alright here?" Called Tony from a police car which had pulled up.

…

"I told you I'm fine… stop fussing please!" Implored Millie.

She had been sitting at Gina's desk for the last half an hour trying to prove that she was fit to go to work. Gina was still eyeing her with same disbelieving expression she had eyed Rachel with, but Rachel was let off after about twenty minutes. Now the focus in Gina's office was 100% Millie.

"I'm not convinced. Millie you looked like you were about to feint according to Tony." Retorted Gina, staring at her with the usual piercing gaze.

"I was _not _going to feint. I just…" Millie began, staring at Rachel, who was standing in the corner of the room looking stricken for support.

"You just _what?" _sighed Gina, staring at her with a sympathetic gaze. "Millie, we all know what you and Sergeant Weston have been through, I'm just not sure if should have come back so soon."

"Inspector, with all due respect, to both you and Rach, I couldn't stay at home for a minute longer. I'm scared that… that If I don't come back now, I'm not going to be able to come back at all."

"Millie another couple of weeks won't-" Began Gina, her eyes widening further with sympathy.

Rachel crossed the room in two strides and put her arms around Millie's shoulders, silencing gina with an intense gaze.

"Inspector, what if I pair her with Sally for today? Sally knows what to look for." Interjected Rachel into the staring content going on in the room.

"Hmm..." Muttered Gina a she considered this. "Well alright, but only because we're a few officers short as it is."

Millie turned on her chair and smiled gratefully at Rachel, who gave her a hug.

"Thanks." She muttered into Rachel's shoulder.

"Oi! You two lovebirds; let me make this clear to you. If sally so much as reports that you tripped over and broke a nail, I will have you out of here before you can say "I'm fine". Is that understood?" Barked Gina, making them both jump out of their seats.

"Yes Inspector, we understand." They chimed together.

As they walked out of the Inspector's officer Rachel took Millie's arm and steered her over to where Sally was, during which Millie made a very vocal protest which was ignored by both.

"Right, you better be careful today." Sally warned, staring at her sternly.

"I know, I know…" Moaned Millie.

"Millie, if you want to stay working here without any more extended leave then I think you better take this more seriously." Rachel said, placing her hands on Millie's shoulders.

"I-I'm sorry..." Millie said, looking down.

"Hey, it's ok I'm not mad. But I know how much you want to be here and I want to make sure you've got everything you want." Rachel said gently, stroking her cheeks and gaining several quizzical looks from officers walking past.

"O-ok, I will." Millie said.

Rachel smiled and kissed her forehead, before turning and heading back to Gina's office.

"Ok, you ready to-" began Sally, just as a call crackled through over her radio.

"_Sierra Oscar six, are you receiving, over." _

"This is sierra Oscar six, what have you got?" Replied Sally, professionally as Millie leaned in to hear better.

"_Young women wandering Carlyle Street, she appears to be disorientated and is showing signs of an attack." _

"Sierra Oscar six, dealing." Replied Sally. "Let's move."

Millie stayed where she stood a little longer than she should of.

Something about this case was making her skin prickle.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel walked into Gina's office quietly and closed the door. Gina was facing her computer desk, staring at her screen as though she was working, but her eyes were glazed over as if she was lost in thought.

Rachel cleared her throat.

"Inspector, can we talk about Millie for a minute?" Rachel asked cautiously, aware that Gina was still daydreaming.

"Rachel we have a problem." Gina replied, disregarding her question. "PC Brown can _not _under any circumstances enter the evidence lockup."

"Why?" Rachel asked, a look on complete confusion arranging on her face.

"The security tape showing Millie's assault is still in there" Replied Gina, rubbing her forehead.

"_What?" _Shouted Rachel incredulously. "How can you keep that thing here?"

"I've tried transferring it to six different stations; none of them will take it because it breaks the chain of evidence." Gina replied wearily.

"What chain? He's dead for Christ sake!" Rachel almost yelled, spreading her arms wide. "If Millie sees that…"

"I know Rachel, I know. It'll tear her apart. You must keep her away from it." Implored Gina, staring at her sergeant with a pleading look.

"Why not keep it in here?" Rachel asked as she glared at her inspector. "You have a load of space!"

"If I get caught I'll be out of the job and be charged with withholding evidence." Gina replied flatly.

"And if Millie finds that tape it'll destroy _her! _You may go to prison but she'd end up losing it!" Retorted Rachel glaring at her commanding officer.

"Rachel, I'm sorry." Gina replied quietly. "There's nothing I can do except make sure she doesn't go into the evidence lockup. Does she know that the tape exists?"

"No." Admitted Rachel, looking down.

"Then that's the best we can do. I'm sorry." Gina said as she motioned Rachel to leave.

…

Sally and Millie pulled up on Carlyle Street about ten minutes after they left the nick. They both jumped out of the car and ran over to a crowd of passers-by, who were gathered around the women.

The woman was curled up in a ball on the pavement, crying hysterically. The yellow low cut dress she was wearing was covered in mud, and had a large rip down the back. Her feet looked cold and blistered from where she had been walking with no shoes and she had a large gash above her eye with bruises running down her neck.

Sally and Millie approached quickly, with Sally slightly in front.

"Ok, everyone move back please. Give her some space." Commanded Sally, pushing her way through the crowds along with Millie to the women.

"Hello, I'm PC Sally Armstrong and this is Millie brown, what's your name?" Sally said kindly, placing a hand on the shaking women's shoulder. "Millie call an ambulance."

"Jenny, J-Jenny Ambers." Replied the women in a shaky voice. "P-Please I can't stay here... He might come back…"

"Who Might?" Sally asked kindly, surreptitiously checking her for wounds as she said this. "The person who did this to you, did you know them?"

"No, no…" She said hurriedly, clearly holding back tears.

"Jenny, if you tell us we can make sure that they don't hurt you again." Millie said gently.

"M-my Ex- Boyfriend, Martin…" Sobbed the women as Sally helped her into a sitting position.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Millie asked, joining them on the ground.

"He got angry, when I wanted to end it, he did this and…" Jenny dissolved into a shivering wreck on the floor.

"Sweetheart, have you been…" Sally asked, looking around at Millie who had turned white.

Jenny didn't answer, instead she turned away form them both and placed her hands over her head as though she was shielding herself from invisible blows.

"Jenny?" Millie squeaked, "Were you raped?"

Jenny faced Millie, giving her a stare of pure terror. She slowly lowered her gaze as Millie placed a hand on her other shoulder, and pulled her into a latex gloved hug.

"Yes." Jenny muttered into Millie's shoulder.

Millie felt a lump rising in her throat.

…

Rachel was sitting at a chair in the canteen, staring at her freezing cold cup of coffee. She had no idea how long she had been staring at it, and even less than no idea of how long she had been sitting there. She didn't care.

She was replaying the conversation she had had with Gina in her office. _The _tape was in the evidence lockup…

Rachel shook herself. She may be overreacting, Millie may never learn that the tape exists, she may never see the footage of Jim Davis trying to rape her, but at the same time she may. If she saw that tape, there was a good chance that the shock could send her straight to the nearest mental hospital. No way in hell was Rachel going to let that happen.

Rachel was grabbing her baton before she realized when Jo came over and tapped her shoulder.

"Jo! Please!" Shouted Rachel, "Don't do that!"

"Sorry, sorry. I just wanted to see if you we're alright. You've been sitting there for nearly an hour." Jo Replied as she took a seat opposite her.

"I'm fine." Said Rachel flatly, staring at her coffee mug once more.

"People who are fine don't spend nearly an hour staring at their stone cold black coffee, the mess in that mug looks like it would be easier to chew than drink." Jo countered, staring at her.

"I…" Rachel said, not knowing quite how to reply.

"You're worried about something... is everything ok with you and Millie?" Jo asked as her expression changed from suspicion to concern.

"We're fine, but Millie may not be if something doesn't get moved." Rachel muttered, leaning over the table.

"Clear as mud" Jo said, also leaning in.

Rachel took a deep breath and said "The tape that shows Millie being attacked by Davis in the warehouse is still in our evidence lockup."

"I know. I was in there about half an hour ago." Jo murmured back.

"Gina's trying to get it moved to another station. But no one will take it."

"Breaks the chain of evidence… Look Rachel all I can say is I will try and keep Millie from entering the evidence lockup." Jo said, placing a friendly hand on her shoulder. "I should be able to make sure that everyone in CID send another officer anytime we need evidence. Or I can make them get off their lazy asses and get it themselves."

Rachel smiled at Jo. Her way of saying thanks.

…

Millie was standing outside the hospital, breathing shallowly. Jenny had been taken onto a ward about half an hour ago, but Millie couldn't face interviewing her so she walked very quickly out of the hospital once Jenny had been given the all clear. Sally would be back with her now, after she had left briefly to place a call into CID.

Millie stared at her reflection in a nearby window. She was white as a sheet. Her breath was coming in rattling gasps now, and she started to feel a little dizzy. Sally came out of the automatic doors and walked up to her.

"She wants you to take her statement… Hey are you alright?" Sally cried, walking over and taking her shoulders.

"I'm fine it's just…" Millie mumbled as she continued to stare at her reflection.

"Millie I'm so sorry I should have realized…If you need to get out of here I'll do the interview." Sally said, taking her hands off her shoulders.

"No. I told you, I'm fine." Millie replied curtly, tearing her gaze off of the window and looking at Sally. "I'll do it."

"Millie… are you sure? I mean it could bring back memories…" Sally said as she stared at Millie's desolate expression.

"Sally I'm fine. This is my job, isn't it?" snapped Millie, staring at her reproachfully.

"Yes it is, but considering what Davis almost did to you last year no one would blame you if you wanted to hand the case over to another officer." Sally said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I said no." Replied Millie angrily. "I'm fine, why can't people just accept that? Now get out of my way!"

"Millie please!" Sally almost shouted, "I'm just trying to-"

"I said" Shouted Millie angrily as she shoved passed sally, "Get out of my dam way!"

Sally watched Millie's retreating form march into the hospital, and towards the lifts before pulling out her mobile and quickly accessing her contacts list.

"Rachel? It's Sally. Millie's in trouble." Sally said, still staring at the hospital main doors.

…

It took Millie all of three minutes to navigate her way to the ward Jenny was on, and even less time to walk swiftly over to her bed from reception. Millie peered through the window on the door before entering her private room. She was sitting in the middle of her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest and her head resting on her knees with her arms covering her head. Millie knocked softly before entering.

"Miss Ambers? Are you up for being interviewed?" asked Millie softly, walking over to her.

Jenny jerked her head up as soon as she entered. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were shining under a coat of tears.

"I'm fine to do this, let's just get it over with." The mumbled after several seconds of staring at Millie. "And call me Jenny."

"Jenny… this questions I'm about to ask you may be a little distressing." Millie said awkwardly, shuffling from side to side.

"Nothing." Jenny said sternly "Could be more distressing than the hell he or this hospital put me through today."

"I know that the exam is upsetting, but it's necessary, and it's the best way to make sure you're not hurt in any way." Replied Millie.

"Upsetting doesn't cover it." Muttered Jenny, putting her head back on her knees.

"I know, it's... humiliating." Millie said, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

Jenny jerked her head up once more and stared at the officer.

"I'll talk if you will." She said, staring at her all too knowingly.

"What? I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, this never happened to me" Millie lied, but Jenny wasn't buying it.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" Began Jenny, but Millie cut her off.

"Can we focus on you please?" Millie asked, staring at the woman who was making her blood pressure reach all new highs.

"There's not much to tell" She murmured, a dark shadow suddenly present over her eyes. "I can't remember. The doctors think I was drugged. I don't even remember being picked up by you lot."

"When we picked you up you said your ex- boyfriend martin did this… do you remember?" Millie asked, taking her notepad out and scribbling something own.

"Martin? Oh hell no! He would never…" Jenny trailed off, lost in thought. "No, wait. We had an argument then… I don't know."

"Can you remember what the argument was about?" Millie asked, averting her gaze.

"He wanted me back... I said no." She replied, "Aside from that I'm not sure… Oh god... I'm sorry…"

Jenny put a hand over her mouth as she cried, sobbing uncontrollably as she fought to remain in control of her body. Millie shuffled up and put a reassuring arm around her, trying not to break down herself.

"I know what you're going through is tough, especially since you can't remember. But please, try and hold it together for a bit longer, just so I have enough evidence to start building a case." Implored Millie, struggling to keep the shake out of her voice.

"I-I'll try. Millie? Tell me something." Sobbed Jenny as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

"What?" asked Millie, trying to cover up the fact her eyes were watering.

"The man who hurt you… was he ever caught?"


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel found herself driving way above the speed limit as she headed to the hospital, thinking of nothing but Millie. When Sally had called her saying that she may be getting too close to a rape victim, Rachel dropped the case file she was holding and headed straight to the hospital in a police car. She didn't even have time to reprimand Sally for so much as letting Millie attend the scene for this case, she was too worried.

Millie had been having flashbacks for a good three or four weeks after they got home from the hospital, and Rachel was praying that Millie wasn't going to relapse to a point where she would close up and not talk again. Rachel momentarily slowed down to let a group of youths cross a road in front of her, before revving up the engine and continuing at a lightning pace down the road.

When she finally pulled up outside the hospital she immediately noticed Sally standing outside the entrance, waving at her. Rachel quickly removed her seatbelt and opened the door, locking it as she ran over to Sally with a remote.

"Where is she?" Demanded Rachel.

"She's with the victim, Jenny Ambers." Sally said. "There's something you need to know."

"What? Tell me on the way." Rachel said, running through the doors.

"When I caught up with Millie out here, she was white as a sheet and breathing hard. When I asked her if she wanted to leave the case she got really angry and shoved past. She really needs to go home." Sally shouted as she ran to keep up with Rachel.

"Ok thanks Sally. I'll try and get her out of here." Rachel replied as she ran nearly as fast as her car was moving. "I'll get her out of here."

…

**Several minutes before…**

"I…" Millie began, not quite knowing how to respond.

"I'm sorry; it's just a coping mechanism. I didn't mean to upset you." Jenny said, putting an arm gently on her shoulder.

"I... how did you…" Millie replied a moment later, still dazed.

"You kept getting uptight when I mentioned what happened." Jenny said.

"I-I'm sorry. This is really unprofessional." Stammered Millie, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.

"Millie, how long ago was it?" Jenny asked gently, rubbing her shoulder.

"Almost three months… I wasn't…He just got close…" Muttered Millie, rubbing her eyes like a child.

"When did you come back to work?" Jenny asked.

"I should be asking you the questions, not the other round." Millie said, attempting a smile.

"I work at a rape crisis centre as a volunteer. I think I saw you at a support group." Replied Jenny. "I never thought that… this would happen to me."

"Jenny? Can you give me the full name of your attacker?" Millie asked, gently tasking her arm off of her shoulder.

"Martin, Martin Wayne." Jenny replied, dabbing at under her eyes with a tissue.

"Ok… Martin Wayne? He drives a mini?" Millie asked, her stomach lurching.

"Yeah... how did you…?" Jenny questioned staring at Millie with confusion.

"He was taken in this morning for speeding." Replied Millie, looking stricken. "I have to radio this in, excuse me."

A sudden loud bang announced the presence of Rachel and Sally, both looking furious and worried. Millie stood up and walked over to them. They all started to speak at once.

"Millie, what were you-"

"Are you feeling ok? You-"

"The man who attacked Jenny was the man we arrested this morning, Martin Wayne was her ex!" Shouted Millie above both Rachel and Sally.

…

Jo was sitting at her desk in CID, trying not to fall asleep. Ever since the warehouse riots, the cases had mainly consisted of domestic abuse or drug laundering. Most of those cases were sorted within a week or two, and ready to go to court the next.

The paperwork was done, the files sent to the courts. Nothing left to do. So Jo let her mind wonder to the conversation she had had with Rachel earlier that day. It was hers and Millie's first day back after the hell Jim Davis had put them through, and most of the nick were worried. Some of the younger and less experienced employees had made jokes in bad taste, all of which knew not to do the same thing again by the time Gina Gold was finished wit them.

Jo sighed and leaned back further on her chair, which made a creaking sound as she did so. Neil looked up and stared at her reproachfully.

"Haven't you got anything else you can do other than sit there and drink coffee?"

"I finished my paperwork three hours ago. I've got no open cases, their either closed or been declared cold months ago." Jo replied, leaning back further and making both Neil and Max cringe.

"Can you go and ask Gina to _give _you something to do then?" Muttered Max irritably. He had left all his paperwork until now, and the three piles on his desk were depressing him.

"Gina would probably give me the job of cleaning out the evidence lockup, it's a total mess. That reminds me…The tape from the warehouse is still in lockup; just don't send Millie there if you have to store something." Jo said, glaring at them both with a pleading look.

"Since neither of us have any open cases, I don't think you have to worry. If we get any this month I'll make sure to send someone else." Neil replied reassuringly.

"Yeah." Agreed max. "No one wants a setback considering everything they've just got through."

"Thanks." Jo replied, relieved that they understood.

As Neil and Max returned to their paperwork Jo went back to her thoughts. This wasn't going to be an easy day for either Millie or Rachel, and it would probably onto take the slightest trigger to send Millie back to when she was attacked…

Sally came straight through the double doors and marched up to Jo's desk, looking as if she had run the whole way. She was holding a file in her hands.

"Sally, you ok?" Jo asked, sitting up straight.

"Rape victim, Jenny Ambers, assailant in custody." Gasped Sally as she clutched a stitch in her chest.

"That was quick. Who was the arresting officer?" Jo said, taking the file off of her and opening it.

"Me, but we arrested him before we knew he had assaulted someone." Replied Sally as she straightened herself up.

"Have you gained *the sight*?" Questioned Jo, giving her an amused look.

"No. We arrested him for speeding before the victim gave a positive ID. To Millie." Sally said, lookinjg stricken again.

Jo nearly fell off of her hair in surprise.

"_Millie?" _cried Jo incredulously. "She shouldn't be anywhere near this!"

"I know, I know." Sally replied wearily. "She seems to be forming an emotional attachment to the case."

"So you're getting her off it… aren't you?" Jo asked, staring at her suspiciously.

"Rachel and Millie spent the entire time on the way back here arguing over just that. Rachel sent Millie to Gina; she's going to send her home." Replied Sally. "If she can get her out of the door."

"Do you think she'll listen?" Jo asked. "In your opinion."

"Honest answer? No way in hell."

…

Millie was sitting in Gina's office, staring at her knees, hands, and the ceiling. Anything not to look Gina in the eye. Then she would see what Rachel saw. Fear.

"Millie, I know that you want to be here, so I'm not going to put you on more leave though I probably should." Gina said, ignoring Rachel's incredulous look.

Millie really had to bite her tongue at the last comment.

"Thank you, inspector."

"Don't thank me yet. I'm still taking you off of the Jenny Ambers case."

"_Why?" _Millie almost shouted at her superior. "I'm fine!"

"Millie, I'm trying to do what's best for everyone here and I don't feel I'd be doing my job properly if I let an officer who had almost been sexually assaulted less than three months ago be the officer who was helping investigate the case. I'm sorry this upsets you." Gina replied, staring at her with a sympathetic gaze.

"Inspector…. Please, I just want to do my job. I'm sick of having to be the exception to the rules because I was attacked by some raving lunatic."

"Millie, please give yourself the time you need to heal… You will be able to handle cases like these in the future but it's your first day back. Once I see that your well enough to conduct you job without getting upset then I will allow you to handle any future cases such as these." Gina said Gently, walking over and putting a hand on the young PCs shoulder.

"Yes, inspector." Replied Millie, looking down at her knees.

"Now, I want you _and _Sergeant Weston to go home. I'll see you both tomorrow." Gina said as Rachel walked over.

"Come on, lets get out of here." Rachel said kindly, making to go and touch her shoulder.

Millie flinched and shrugged her off.

"Let's just get out of here." She muttered without looking at either of them and storming out of the office.

Rachel and Gina exchanged worried glances before Rachel ran off after her, hurtling down the corridor.

…

**Several hours later.**

Rachel was sitting at the kitchen table. She had just eaten the mac and cheese that Millie had prepared, and was full to the brim. She sat at the opposite end of the table form Millie, who had taken her seat deliberately away from Rachel, clearly not wanting to discuss the day.

"You ok?" Rachel asked cautiously to break the awkward silence.

"Mhm." Millie replied. She had had her head on the desk for the last ten minutes, and though she didn't look like she was crying, she was still scaring Rachel.

"Millie I'm sorry about arguing with you in the car I was just-" Began Rachel, staring at her with an apologetic gaze.

"I know, I know. I'm going to go and take a bath." Millie said standing up abruptly and shaking the table.

It was then Rachel got a good look at her face.

There were dark circles under her eyes, as though she hadn't slept in days where in reality she had had a near full night's sleep just this morning. Her expression was desolate, as though her mind was in another place.

"Millie…" Began Rachel, not knowing what to say.

"Don't just don't ok?" She almost cried, running from the room.

Rachel thought of going after her, and then thought better of it. She knew that Millie was going through a lot, and it was clear she didn't want Rachel's help. She wanted to be alone and Rachel knew if she stood any chance of helping her she would have to respect that for now at least.

Sometime later Rachel got up from the table and began washing up the dishes. She noticed how Millie had barely touched her food, most likely from the stress of everything. After she was finished washing up, Rachel went upstairs and put on her nightgown before crawling into bed. She sat reading a book, or rather staring at the pages while her eyes glazed over, waiting for Millie to come out of the bath.

About half an hour later she did, looking fresher. Millie walked into the bedroom and stalked over to the bed, throwing off her dressing gown and climbing into the bed naked. Rachel turned and looked at her as she got in.

"What?" Millie asked a little angrily.

"Are you feeling better?" Rachel asked, as she snuggled into the covers.

Millie gave an almost undetectable shake of her head then said, "Goodnight."

"G'Night, beautiful." Murmured Rachel as she turned around and flicked the switch on her bedside lamp. A few moments later Rachel had drifted into an uneasy sleep.

…

Little did Rachel know, Millie wasn't asleep.

She was lying on the bed as tears silently poured down her cheeks, watching every second tick by on the alarm clock. She tried to steady her nerves with deep breaths, just hard enough to aid her calming down but not hard enough to wake Rachel. It was then she felt his touch.

Suddenly she was back in the warehouse and he was touching her, hitting her, kissing her, ravaging her neck, ripping off her clothes…


	4. Chapter 4

Jo was sitting in the "soft" interview room with Jenny Ambers, who was sitting on the couch with her knees drawn up to her chest. It reminded Jo of when Millie was bought in to make a statement just after she was released from hospital, the terror of being in the same building with her attacker was clear.

Except for Millie she wasn't in the same building as her attacker, she was just scared of the hell she had been put through. As Jo watched Jenny her face automatically re arranged into a sympathetic expression. Jenny was crying silently now, sick of having to force her mind to remember the events of the night before.

"I'm sorry, I-I just can't remember anything!" She sobbed after several seconds of dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

"Jenny, no one here wants to force you to remember what happened, and we have all the forensic evidence we need to get this to court, but our case would be more solid with a strong testimony from you." Jo said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I know how it works; you can't do much with evidence alone, because you need the victim's testimony to do any good." Replied Jenny quietly then after Jo quizzical look added, "I work at a local rape survivor group."

"Ah, right. Do you want me to give them a call for you-" Began Jo as she rubbing her shoulder gently.

"No I've got an appointment tomorrow. But I was wondering, can you do me a favour?" Jenny asked, looking up at her with a tear soaked face.

Jo hesitated before answering. "What kind of favour."

"Can you try and persuade PC Brown to come back to the group? She's still working through the hell that thug put her through."

…

When Rachel awoke she knew immediately that something was wrong. Millie was still lying beside her supposedly asleep, when normally she was awake a few hours before Rachel was. Rachel propped herself up on her pillow and leaned over her girlfriend, high enough so she wasn't touching her. Rachel let out a startled gasp.

Millie's face was red from crying, and her pillow was soaked with tears. She appeared to be shaking in her fake sleep, mumbling softly to herself. Rachel tried to catch what she was saying but it was almost inaudible. Rachel placed an arm just above her head and leaned in so she was barely a hairs breadth away from her forehead, and softly began to talk.

"Millie… I know you're awake, and I know that you're hurting badly. I know I upset you yesterday and I'm truly sorry for that, but I just didn't want to see you suffer anymore. I know that you don't want to talk to me, and if you don't answer I'm not going to push you to. I just want you to know… If you want me to support you, I'm here." Rachel whispered slowly into her ear.

Millie didn't reply right away, and after several seconds of leaning over her Rachel sank back into her pillow and laid there quietly. The silence seemed to echo around the room after several minutes, with Millie's breathing being the only thing breaking it. Rachel closed her eyes and listened to her girlfriend's slow, rhythmic breathing and felt comforted somehow. It was as though the very presence of Millie was relaxing her, knowing that all Millie had to do was turn around and talk if she wanted to.

After several more agonising minutes Millie finally shuffled round until she was facing Rachel. They held each other's gaze briefly. Rachel's was calm and welcoming, while Millie's was scared and insecure. Millie appeared to be searching Rachel's gaze for something, but what Rachel had no idea. It could have been safety, or friendship, or love but at the same time she could have been looking for a reason not to trust Rachel. Whatever she was looking for she appeared to have found, because after a few seconds she spoke in a thin, raspy voice which sounded like it belonged to an 80 year old women.

"Rach… Please, hold me…"

Rachel smiled reassuringly at Millie and opened her arms. "Come here."

Millie snuggled into Rachel's chest, placing on hand on Rachel's shoulder, and wrapping another round her back. Rachel complied by placing a hand on her back and another on her forehead, cradling her in her arms.

Millie began to breathe easier, letting out long sighs as Rachel gently rubbed her bare back and stroked her forehead. Rachel gently kissed her cheek and forehead repeatedly, while murmuring words of comfort. After some time Millie spoke.

"I'm sorry…" Mumbled Millie after several minutes.

"Hey… Babe you don't have anything to be sorry for, you've been through a lot." Rachel murmured softly into her ear.

"I… I keep screwing up!" Sobbed Millie as her tears spilled onto Rachel's chest.

"No you don't! Millie, it was your first day back, you can't expect to be on top form straight away after all of this… we were both put through hell by that man." Rachel replied quietly. "I'm going to phone Gina and tell her that we will be in a bit late."

Rachel gently laid Millie back onto the bed, supporting her head and back as she did so, then gave her girlfriend a quick kiss in the lips before swinging her legs off of the bed and grabbing her mobile. Millie put an arm weakly on Rachel's.

"Can you tell her… Tell her I think I came back too soon." Millie mumbled, looking down at her uncovered feet.

Rachel reached over and stroked Millie's shiny red hair in response, then planted a gentle kiss on the hand she had bought to her mouth. She rested Millie's hand on her own lap and held it there for comfort.

"Hey Gina, its Rachel. I don't think were going to make it in today." Rachel said suppressing a yawn.

"Ok, take the rest of the week off if you need to. How Is PC Brown?" Came the tinny reply.

"She's beside me, you want to talk to her?" Rachel asked.

Rachel glanced at Millie who nodded slowly, before taking the phone.

"Millie? How are you feeling?" Gina asked, her concern could be clearly heard.

"Tired." Rasped Millie.

Millie swore she heard a gasp down the other end as she spoke.

"Millie, take the week off." Ordered Gina, "And make sure Rachel looks after you."

Millie smiled at Rachel, who was massaging her feet.

"Ok, I'll tell her." Millie mumbled. "Bye."

"See you next week." Gina said before she hung up.

…

Terry was sitting in her flat, shaking with worry. She had been worried since Rachel had phoned her up and told her in a dulcet tone that she couldn't come around for dinner because she and Millie were having a rough day. Terry had tried to ask more but Rachel cut the call off after a quick goodbye, and she hadn't phoned up since.

Normally Millie would phone up if there was any trouble with her coming over, but this time was different for more than just that. Rachel's voice was lifeless, empty, as though she hadn't gotten any sleep in weeks. Terry had seen her and Millie the day before, and they both looked radiant.

The first thing that crossed Terry's mind was Millie having taken a turn for the worse. Maybe she had had another flashback, or maybe something went wrong at work. All her questions were answered however by a knock at her door.

Terry got up from the couch in her living room and walked over to it slowly, noticing two figures standing outside, their silhouettes slightly blurred by the frosted glass. As Terry got closer she recognised both of them.

"Jo, hi. Jenny? What's going on?" Terry asked, staring at her with worry.

"Hey Terry can we come in?" Asked Jo.

Terry nodded and led them into the living room of her tiny flat. She offered them both a seat, of which Jenny took gratefully and Jo remained standing. Terry offered them both a drink of water, but they declined.

"What's going on?" Terry asked as her expression went from worry to confusion.

"Terry can we talk?" Croaked Jenny, staring at her with a pleading look.

"Sure, Jen what's happened?" Terry asked softly as she took a seat beside her.

"I…" Jenny mumbled. She swallowed hard before she said another word. "I was raped."

"What! No…." Cried Terry, wrapping her arms around her best friend and pulling her close. "What happened?"

"Martin... He… drugged me…" Jenny replied, voice slightly muffled by Terry's shoulder.

"He drugged you?" Cried Terry incredulously. "Your ex is a bloody psychopath!"

"I know I know… he left me wandering around the streets until the police picked me up…" Mumbled Jenny, fresh tears falling onto her cheeks.

"Millie and Sally picked her up with morning." Jo added, looking stricken.

"Millie shouldn't have been anywhere near this…. What was Sally thinking?" Shouted Terry.

"Millie wasn't taking no for an answer by all accounts. Gina gave her the rest of the week off" Replied Jo sadly.

"Jenny, your welcome to stay, I'm going to go over to Millie's." Terry said, standing up.

"I'll stay here until you get back if you want since I'm off duty." Jo offered.

Terry nodded a thank you and ran from the house, straight over to Millie's.

…

**I'm noticing my spelling mistakes after I've posted... Sorry about that I'll try and fix those later :/ **


	5. Chapter 5

Millie was sitting in the living room on the big three seat sofa with Rachel. Or more precisely she was resting on Rachel, who was stroking her hair while Millie's head was on her chest. They had been there most of the morning, after Rachel had pleaded with Millie to eat something and managed to get a slice of toast and orange juice into her. Now they simply sat, wishing the day away.

"You feeling ok?" Rachel murmured softly into Millie's ear.

Millie gave a contented purr in response as she stretched her legs on the sofa.

"Better" She mumbled after lifting her head off of Rachel's chest.

"You hungry?" Rachel asked as she stared at her with concern.

"No." Millie lied, but her stomach had other ideas, releasing a loud growl which sounded around the room.

"Hm. You don't sound hungry at all." Rachel said after raising an eyebrow with an amused expression on her face.

Millie sighed and shrugged. "Well… maybe a little."

Rachel grinned and pulled herself off of the couch, before lifting her arms up for a long stretch and heading over to the kitchen.

"What do you want?" Rachel called a moment later.

"Umm.. fried eggs please." Replied Millie, smiling a little.

Millie listened for a moment to Rachel clambering around in the kitchen before settling back onto the sofa, resting her head on it's arm. She felt a little better than she did last night, which was all thanks to Rachel. She hated shutting her girlfriend out, especially since she was one of the few people who understood what she was going through as Davis had attacked her too but at the same time she was scared to fully opening up to Rachel, because she didn't want to hurt her any more. As Millie contemplated getting up and helping Rachel in the kitchen her mobile started vibrating in her pocket.

"Hello?" Millie called into it uncertainly as she didn't check who was calling.

"Hey." Sally replied a little warily.

"Oh hi." Millie said, her voice climbing a few octaves.

"Inspector Gold told me that you and Rachel are taking the rest of the week off." Sally replied a few moments later, apparently missing how high Millie's voice had gone.

"Yeah… I think it's for the best." Millie mumbled. "Hey Sally.. about yesterday…"

"Its fine Millie. Don't worry. I know your going through a lot." Sally replied sincerely. "I can't really stay long, Gina will have a fit if she catches me making a personal call. Mind if I come around after my shift and talk with you?"

"Sure. I'll tell Rach." Millie said cheerfully, happy that she hadn't lost her best friend.

"You two ok now?" Sally asked. "That was some argument yesterday."

"Yeah we're fine. Talk more when you come over tonight, ok?" Millie said happily. "You want dinner?"

"Yes and yes." Replied Sally. "Oh damn I gotta go, inspector's coming."

"Bye." Millie managed to say just before Sally hung up.

Millie settled back into the chair after she had put her phone back in her pocket and smiled to herself. Rachel walked over with a tray on which she had placed a plate of fried eggs and some water.

"Here'ya go." Rachel said happily, gently placing the tray on her girlfriend's lap. "Someone phone you just then?"

"Yeah Sally. She wanted to know how everything's going." Millie replied through a mouthful of egg.

"You two patch things up?" Rachel asked as she took a seat beside her girlfriend.

"Yeah. She seemed more worried about if _we _patched things up." Millie replied through another mouthful.

"And have we?" Rachel replied a little nervously.

"Rach… of course we have." Millie said, placing a hand gently on her girlfriend's cheek and caressing it. "She's coming over tonight."

Rachel smiled and tipped her head to one side, enjoying Millie's touch.

That was when someone banged hard on the door. Very hard.

…

Terry had run the mile between her flat and Millie's house, and was now standing completely out of breath outside, banging on the door as hard as she could. It was a few seconds before anyone answered, and clearly they were not expecting her.

"Terry!" Cried Rachel. "Come in, you look shattered!"

Rachel lead terry into the living room where Millie was sitting, eating fried eggs. Terry took a seat in the living chair next to the sofa, and studied Millie's expression for a few seconds. She looked tired and drawn, and she had definitely been up half the night crying but other than that she seemed fine. Terry waited until her breath was back completely before she spoke.

"Jo was told me about you dealing with Jenny." She said, staring at Millie who was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"Terry I'm fine you don't have to-" Began Millie, slightly unnerved by her haughty expression.

"Millie, what the hell were you thinking? You know you need to give yourself time to heal! Jenny was really worried about you. " Terry cried spreading her arms wide.

Rachel put a hand on Millie's shoulder, stopping her from retorting.

"Wait, how do you know Miss Ambers?" She asked, staring at Terry with surprise.

"_Miss Ambers_ works at the support group. I work with her there when I volunteer." Terry replied curtly.

"Where is she?" Millie asked a little warily. She felt Rachel tense at her questioning.

"At my house with Jo. Look Millie I came here to talk about you. How are you doing after yesterday?" Terry asked, all traces of anger gone.

"I didn't sleep much, and we had a fight…." Millie said, looking down.

"You two ok now?" Terry asked, concerned. _After all the hell it had taken to get these two together they better not have fallen apart already. _

"Were fine. We made up." Rachel replied, giving Terry a warning look. _Don't question her too much, you will stress her out. _

"Terry.. you don't have to worry, we're both fine." Millie said gently.

"Millie you look like you haven't slept in days. And there are fading tear streaks on your face." Terry countered pointedly.

"I'm _fine._" Millie moaned, staring at her a little reproachfully. "Just look after Jenny."

"Terry, we need some time to talk, come over for dinner tomorrow and we'll finish this." Rachel offered, much to her girlfriend's relief.

"Fine."

With that Terry got up and left, slamming the door behind her.

"What was that? Why slam the door?" Millie asked, looking around at Rachel who was frowning.

"If there's one thing I've learned about Terry, She hates it when she's not wanted." Rachel replied, still staring at the wall of which the door was on the other side. "She absolutely hates it."

…

**Several hours later**

Sally was getting her bag and coat out of her locker, ready to go over to Millie and Rachel's. She wasn't as worried as she would have been if she hadn't phoned up but she was still worried about how the recent turn of events was going to affect Millie.

Millie had been through hell since she was attacked, the memories of her locking herself in her bedroom and calling herself a waste of space were still clear in her mind. But if Sally knew anything, it was that Rachel was the one who could pick Millie up and put her back together. Sally knew her gut instincts were good, but for once she had no idea what to expect. Millie was her best friend, and she thought she knew her inside out but that was before she was attacked. Millie had morphed into a different person since then. She was usually shy and liked to keep her private life private, but in the first month she had had off she sent everyone in the nick a text, confirming that she and Rachel were living together and were in a relationship. She also yelled at Rachel in the car, and got angry with Sally outside the hospital, which was completely out of character. It was like her best friend was someone else.

Sally walked out of the locker room and through reception, not stopping until she was outside her car. That was when she heard the shouting.

Sally spun around and saw the assailant from the Jenny Ambers case, Martin Wayne. He had kicked down the door that any prisoners were taken through to be processed and ran, still handcuffed, into the car park. Sally braced herself as he came in her direction, and kicked her in the stomach. She fell to the ground winded and watched as he drove away in her car, after breaking the metal that bound his hands together with brute force.

Tony and Smithy helped her to her feet, and she impatiently waved away smithy's ambulance call.

"I'm fine, Smithy." She wheezed, going slightly red. "How did he get out?"

"The guard said he heard Wayne going crazy back there, so went into his cell. He wouldn't calm down and tried to punch the guard so he handcuffed him and took him out into reception, that's when he kneed the guard in the stomach and ran." Tony replied.

"We'll find your car." Smithy said reassuringly.

"Oh shit!" Cried Sally as she straightened herself up "Millie and Rachel's address is in the glovebox!"

…

He came out of nowhere, taking down the door in a single kick and running into the house. He punched Rachel in the face and she staggered back before falling onto the floor where he hit her swiftly on the temple to knock her out. Then he turned on Millie, who had crawled into the corner by Rachel's instruction and curled into a shaking ball. He grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her to her feet, before punching her in her stomach and watching her fall. He next hit gave Millie a swift rabbit punch to the temple, knocking her out cold just as the police arrived.

Sally launched herself at him, hitting him to the ground and kicking and punching any part of him she could reach. Smithy and Tony pulled her off while Gina handcuffed him.

Sally struggled free of their grip and ran over to be beside Millie, who was appeared to be struggling to breathe.

"Get help!" Sally yelled at the officers near her "Call an ambulance, now!"


	6. Chapter 6

Rachel awoke with a slight moan and a head that was banging like a base drum. It felt like someone was hitting her repeatedly over the head with a baseball bat, in exactly the same place. Despite this she chanced opening an eye and immediately regretted it as a sharp pain shot through her forehead. With another moan she tried sitting up slightly, which gained the attention of one of the nearby nurses.

"Easy there, lie back a little." The nurse said gently, propping her up with the pillows.

Rachel groggily opened her eyes again, and the same pain shot through her but this time it wasn't quite so pungent. She stared around the cubicle she was in. She recognised at once she was in a hospital, with the curtains drawn around the bed. She sat there for several seconds wondering why she was there before it dawned on her.

"Millie! Where's Millie?" Rachel cried, attempting to climb out of bed.

"I'm fine Rach." Came a dull voice from the other side of one of the curtains.

"Millie? That you?" Rachel called, her ears ringing slightly.

The nurse walked swiftly over and parted the curtain, revealing Millie lying on the hospital bed with a large egg shaped bruise blossoming on her forehead. Rachel sat up and stared at her girlfriend with worry.

"Yeah." Millie said after several seconds of staring at Rachel's face. "Nice nose."

Rachel gave Millie a confused look before reaching up and gingerly touching her nose. She regretted it immediately as a sharp pain shot through it which made her eyes water.

"A broken nose." Said the nurse at Rachel's questioning glance. "You could be slightly concussed as well."

"Millie, are you ok?" Rachel asked, staring at her girlfriend with worry.

"I'm fine, but I feel like my head's being used as a drum." Millie replied a little shakily, placing a hand on her forehead.

Rachel smiled a little before returning to her serious gaze."Millie, what happened after he knocked me out?"

"He walked over and knocked me out, and then apparently Sally beat the crap out of him." Replied Millie with a satisfied grin.

Rachel collapsed back onto the bed and smiled slightly, trying to ignore the pain that was now shooting through her head.

"Terry's here. She's been here since we were bought in yesterday." Millie said softly.

Rachel sat bolt upright again.

"_Yesterday?"_ Rachel cried incredulously.

"Yeah. They sedated us so they could get a proper look at our injuries." Millie replied as she stared up in the ceiling.

"Do you two want to be moved closer?" The nurse asked as she watched the conversation.

"Yes." They both chimed in unison.

A couple of moments later and after much struggling, Millie and Rachel's beds were right next to each other. Millie turned on the pillow so she was facing Rachel's bed, and Rachel laid down and did the same.

"Well." Said Millie after some time. "How many times can we end up in the hospital overnight in the space of three months because someone attacks us?"

"I don't know." Rachel laughed. "Maybe we're going for a world record!"

…

Sally was sitting in Gina's office, and she was absolutely fuming. Martin Wayne was pressing charges against _her. _

When Gina had first told her that there would be an official enquiry Sally had thought she was just saying it to scare her, that was until Wayne's lawyer came over and started demanding £10,000 worth of compensation. Apparently he had called Sally a raving lunatic, and since no one had actually seen him attack Rachel and Millie, his story of seeing a "burglar" run out if their house and going in to help can't be disputed until Rachel and Millie wake up.

Gina had left about ten minutes ago; apparently she was going to try one of her famous interview tactics to make him change his story. Sally was having her doubts, however. She didn't think it was going to be as easy ass Gina had made it sound. This guy was still denying the rape charges, even with the overwhelming evidence CID had stacked against him.

A quiet knock on the door announced Jo's presence, making Sally spin around in the chair.

"Any news?" Sally asked immediately just as Jo was about to open her mouth.

"Just got word from the hospital, Millie and Rachel are fine albeit a little concussed. As for Wayne, he's going to press charges, and they are going to stick until tomorrow at least." Jo said looking down at Millie with a sympathetic expression on her face.

"Why tomorrow?" Sally asked, looking down at her lap.

"The nurses won't let any police, on or off duty, near either of them." Jo sighed, "They're making our life a little difficult at the moment."

"Specifically mine. And they're making his easier." Mumbled Sally. "Can I go now?"

"Sally… we have to take you into custody."

…

Rachel was lying on her bed watching Millie sleep. It was all she could do until she was let out, the nurse had taken both hers and Millie's phones away stating that they needed to rest and were not to be questioned by the police. Rachel had tried to protest because she wanted to know what was going on at the nick and how close they were to prosecuting Wayne.

Millie seemed to be coping remarkably well considering all she had been through. Rachel was terrified that she was going to relapse, but for now at least she seemed fine. Millie was certainly proving herself to be tougher than anyone had anticipated, she had even openly told a nurse what had happened to before to explain Rachel's fussing.

Rachel turned onto her back and stared at the strip lighting above her for a moment, casting her mind back to the last couple of times she had stared at these lights, and laid in these damn uncomfortable beds. The first time had been after her attack, she had been scared to talk to anyone, and the only comfort she received that was effective was from Millie and Terry. The second time was when Millie was admitted; she had waited a full two days before going and confessing her feelings the hospital had allowed her to sleep in the on call room a couple of times where needed, which though she was grateful for, the memories of why she had slept in a hospital bed before that wouldn't stop resurfacing.

Millie groaned quietly and shuffled around for a few seconds, clearly finding the beds about as comfortable as Rachel was finding them. Millie opened her eyes groggily and smiled over at Rachel who was grinning back.

"Can we go yet?" Moaned Millie as she sat up.

"Not until this afternoon at the earliest according to the nurse." Replied Rachel as she grinned at the outraged look on Millie's face.

"There's nothing wrong with us…" Grumbled Millie.

"It could be worse." Rachel said calmly.

"How exactly? We have no contact with the outside world, and no way out of these beds." Millie muttered angrily.

"We are still a we. One of us or both could have been killed." Rachel said, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey… come here you." Millie said gently, pulling her across onto her bed. "It's going to be fine…I didn't mean to exclude you…"

"It's not that... I just wish that things would stop happening to us" Rachel murmured after several seconds of enjoying Millie stroking her forehead.

"Hey, we'll get through it. We always do." Millie replied, smiling at Rachel's contented expression.

"I hope you're right." Rachel muttered.

…

Sally was sitting in the cell fuming. She had not expected to be taken into a cell because some idiot had made up a bunch of lies, mostly because she was an officer and she had expected some compassion. But they had insisted to make sure that the charges against Sally were dropped they were going to have to do this by the book.

Sally was staring at the plain white door with the barred windows with disgust. This was a place of criminals, not someone who had protected her best friends.

Sally stood up and walked over to the door.

"Oi" She shouted at the guard standing outside. "They better get me out of here soon, or I'm gonna break out!"


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hi, sorry about the wait on this chapter but I had a whole bunch of things to do over the past three weeks. I hope this makes up for it.**_

…

Millie sighed as she struggled to get her jacket around her shoulders, wincing as a pain shot through her stomach. She and Rachel had been trying to get ready for the last 15 minutes, and Rachel had managed it a lot better than she had.

Millie smiled slightly as she felt hands on her arms, spinning her around and helping her pull her jacket up over her shoulders.

"You ok?" Rachel asked softly, resting her forehead on Millie's.

Millie shrugged. "Still a little shaken, I guess."

Rachel pulled Millie close, enjoying the feeling of having the women she loved be so close to her. A hissing of curtains being pulled back announced a nurse's presence, who made an awkward cough at the sight of them hugging. Rachel and Millie broke apart, both going slightly red.

"Here's your pain medication, take one every 12 hours for the next 4-5 days." The nurse said, quickly handing the boxes of tablets to both of them and walking out.

Rachel and Millie stood there in a daze for a few seconds, before Rachel shook herself and grabbed Millie's hand.

"Let's get out of here." She said gently to Millie, who smiled in response.

They weaved their way around the sea of hospital trolleys that littered the many corridors they had to travel few to get out into the car park with surprising ease, Millie only once bashing her knee on the corner of one, which Rachel made a fuss over. When they got out to the car park they immediately noticed the tall women running towards them with a stricken expression on her face.

"Jo! Hey how's the case goi-" Began Rachel, walking over to her.

"Rachel, Millie! Thank god! We have to get to the station, now!" Jo exclaimed as she ran.

"What? Why?" An alarmed Millie asked.

"I'll explain on the way, come on, get in!" Jo shouted as she ran back towards the car.

Millie and Rachel listened to what she had been forced to do to Sally in order to make sure that procedure had been followed, and how Terry and Jenny had come down to the station and refused to leave until Sally was released. Rachel and Millie had the same shocked expression on their faces as they pulled up outside the station, and shock soon turned to outrage when they found Gina.

"What the hell do you mean she can't be released yet?" Yelled Rachel incredulously and her superior officer.

"You need to make a statement! I'm sorry Sergeant Weston, but that's the way it has to be!" Gina Shouted over Millie and Terry's incredulous cries.

"She was protecting us for gods sakes!" Millie shouted, gripping Rachel's hand tightly. "And she's an officer, it's not like she's gonna run away!"

"Millie and Rachel, come through into my office, make a statement and she can be released! It's as simple as that!" Gina replied exasperatedly.

With that Gina marched Millie and Rachel into her office, and shut the door.

…

Sally sighed with relief as the cell door opened and Millie stepped in, offering her a hand to help of her off of the bench.

"You're ok!" Sally squealed, pulling her best friend into a tight hug.

Millie laughed at her surprise. "And you're free to go."

Sally let go of Millie and blew out a long sigh of relief. "Finally!"

"You just have one more thing you need to do." Rachel said, suddenly appearing at Millie's side.

Sally moaned loudly. "What is it…"

"Go and talk to Grace in CID she'll fill you in on the details." Rachel replied.

"You coming?" Sally asked as she noticed that they weren't following her out of the cell.

"Ehm… no. Me and Grace haven't really got on since…" Rachel began, trailing away.

"..Right. I'll see you when I'm done then."

"I'll wait outside CID if you want." Millie offered.

Sally smiled and nodded before turning around and marching away from the cell she had been contained in all night, Millie close behind. She marched across the building in a matter of minutes, stopping briefly once to allow another officer to get down the stairs with a suspect. She walked up the stairs as quickly as she could, skipping and walking up two at a time, with Millie jogging up behind her. As she swung open the door to CID Millie came to a halt and waited outside.

As Sally walked in, she noticed that Grace was the only person in CID, the other desks were either piled with forgotten paperwork or empty. Sally figured that Grace may have asked them all to leave while she spoke to her.

"Sally, are you alright?" Grace asked as a flicker of concern glimmered in her eyes.

"I'm fine." She replied curtly. "Why am I here, grace?"

"I need you to confirm something; it's a CCTV image of you being punched by Wayne, the footage isn't clear enough to confirm it's him via facial recognition so I need you to make an ID." Grace replied dispersing with the pleasantries.

"Fine, show it to me." Sally replied flatly.

"I'm having Tony go and get it from the lockup." Grace replied. "Couldn't keep it here, Gina's obsessed with doing this one by the book so you get off free of any charges."

"Fine. How long is this going to take?"

After several minutes of standing in the office with Grace, and an awkward conversation bouncing between them Sally started to lose her patience.

"How long does it take for Tony to get one damn photo?" Sally cried impatiently.

"IS that Mille outside? I'll see if she's ok with going down there."

…

Millie practically ran over to the evidence lockup, wanting nothing more than to get out of the building after Sally was done, to go and settle down at home in Rachel's arms. When she reached the door she stopped for a moment with the key in the lock. An odd sense of forboding had taken hold of her, something was telling her not to go in.

She ignored it and turned the key.

She scrabbled around on the pitch black wall for a light switch for several seconds before finding one, and flicked it on immediately. She stared round the room, first wrinkling her nose at the strong smell of disinfectant then casting her eye over to the modern DVD player connected to the old TV. She next stared at the walls lined with filing cabinets full of files and crossed the room, past the wrack full of firearms which were being stored there as evidence. She opened the filing cabinet which had the words: _A-D surnames_ taped onto the side.

She rifled through the names until she came across the file which had Ambers, Jenny written on the side of it and opened it up. She found an image of Sally being punched in the stomach and felt a twinge of sadness for her friend. She took out the image carefully and placed it on the side, before replacing the file into the cabinet and making to close it. She didn't. A very familiar name was glaring up at her. Davis, Jim.

Her fingers shaking, she picked up the file and held it as though it had just been pulled out of the sewer, before gingerly pulling it over and scanning the list of accused crimes. She shook slightly as she read the words "rape" and "attempted rape". It was then she saw the disk with one word written in black marker onto the cover. "Warehouse".

She quickly crossed the room and switched on the tv before gingerly placing the disk into the slot in the dvd player.

As the screen whirred and fizzled into life, she watched as she dragged her across the floor, biting her neck, ripping over her clothes, hitting her, touching her, until he finally took of her bra. She couldn't hear what was being said because the disk was muted, and it appeared to be a copy of a video judging by the quality, but she could hear him in her head.

She turned the TV screen off and stood there in a shocked silence for several moments, allowing the great waves of pain to crash all over her body. She saw black spots in her eyes once more, and crashed to the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

_**This is going to be the start of a pretty depressing period of time, I'm afraid. **_

…

"Is she ok?"

"Give her some air!"

"Guys shut it! The ambulance is on the way!"

"What happened to her?"

"She saw that tape in lockup of Davis attacking her!"

"Oh my god!"

"Guys _shut it! _Oh shit she's waking up!"

Millie awoke to a hum of voices surrounding her on the floor of the evidence lockup. She could hear them, but what they were saying wasn't exactly sinking in. She opened her eyes slowly, wincing as she adjusted to the startlingly bright light high above her. She could still hear the voices around her, and see people's faces but she wasn't paying much attention. She was too busy trying to fugure out what was going on.

"Millie? You alright?" A voice said uncertainly.

Millie stared at the blonde haired women whose face the voice belonged to with no recognition. She didn't know her.

A second woman with red hair with a stern face was standing over her, staring at her with worry in her eyes.

"PC Brown?" She said calmly. "How are you feeling?"

_PC brown? _Thought Millie, _who the heck is that? _

Millie tried to talk, but she didn't know what to say, or how to make the words come out. She stared round at all the faces that surrounded her on the floor. They seemed to know her, but she had no idea who they were. And the strange uniforms some of them were wearing made even less sense than they did.

Millie decided enough was enough and struggled onto her feet, much to the dislike of one of the blonde haired women.

"Sweetheart, you should rest-" The women began, reaching out to touch her.

Millie had other ideas, flinching as soon as her hand made contact with her arm and slapping her across the face. The women stepped back, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and a shocked expression on her face.

Suddenly arms came out of nowhere, grabbing her attempting to pull her back down to the ground. She struggled and kicked, hitting another blonde in the face and kicking a grey haired man in the groin. They both doubled back, and the red haired stern women released her, clearly shocked at her actions. Millie decided that this was the time to try and speak again so screwed up her face in concentration and opened her mouth.

"Stay.. Way…. Leave me!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, making all of the people stagger backwards.

"Millie, easy.." Said the man, who Millie though was trying to reassure her.

She noticed that they had backed further enough away that she had a clean break for the doorway, so she took it.

Millie shot out of the room full of cabinets and darted up the stairs, trying to ignore the thunderous sound of footsteps that followed her, pursuing her. Something in her head was telling her to run, and she had no reason not to listen to it. She ran up the stairs and headed straight for the daylight she saw pouring in from around a corner which turned out to be her escape. She burst through the automatic doors, almost smashing through the doors themselves as she ran from her pursuers.

They were still coming, tearing after her though she noticed that two of them, the red haired women and the grey haired man, had fallen far behind, but the blondes were still going strong, and so was she. They were fast, but she was faster.

She headed for a pair of big blue metal doors, or gates as she remembered them being called at the end of a big flat area with cars parked everywhere, almost getting hit by a couple of them as she ran. More of a reason to get out of there fast. She wasn't wanted here. As she got closer to the gates, she realized that she was going to have to climb over to get out, as they were not opening like the last doors did. She leaped at them, pulling herself up to the top while carefully avoiding the spikes and jumping down onto the other side. She could hear the shouts from the other side growing fainter, and she chanced looking back to see the two blondes yelling at her waiting for the big doors to open. She felt relief build up inside her as she tore through the streets, almost getting ran over by more cars as she ran into the area of the streets that they occupied.

After a few more minutes she began to feel her limbs growing stiff and her breathing was getting harder. She could hear the shouts of the two blonde ones, but they were a while behind. Even so, she knew that if she kept going at this pace she would be captured. She stopped outside a window with a lot of food behind it and looked around her, casting her eye around as she looked for a quick way out. It was then she saw one.

She noticed a black car with the words T-A-X-I in lighted up orange on the top of it that stopped for a women when she waved her hand at it. Millie tried the same. To her surprise it pulled up and the man inside opened the door for her. She clambered into the back and sat there, waiting for the man to drive, confused when he didn't instead just staring at her.

"Well?" He said irritably.

Millie stared at him blankly.

"Where do you want to go?" He said, rolling his eyes at her.

Millie thought for a moment, shuffling around in her seat to stare at the two blondes at the top of the street running down the road towards her. She didn't know any places. Except one.

"St Georges Terrace, Plymouth." She replied, wondering if she had that right.

"Plymouth?" the man said incredulously. "You got the money for that?"

_Money?_

"Yes." Lied Millie unsure of what to say.

"Well ok then." The mean said, pulling away from the curb just as the blondes pulled up.

She looked back and saw one of them scribbling something onto her wrist with a pen and another talking into a black box in her hand.

Millie sat back and stared out of the window, watching as numerous people walked on the streets as they passed. She was free.

…

It was nearing night by the time they got past the sign that said Plymouth on it, and well into the night by the time the mean found her destination.

They pulled up sometime later outside a white house with the road sign "St Georges Terrace" next to it.

"Ok. That'll be £60" The man said, holding his hand out expectantly.

"Wha-What?" Millie asked, still unsure of what he was asking.

"Money. £60. Now." The man said sternly, getting out of his seat and standing at the doorway so she couldn't leave the vehicle.

"I don't know-" Began Millie, still unsure.

"M-O-N-E-Y. now" The man said slowly, opening the car door and spitting in her face as he spoke. "Or I call the police."

_Police. That was what they were._

"NO!" Millie screamed, "NO PLEASE!"

Millie curled up into a ball, cowering as the man snarled and took another step forward.

"Get out of my car you stupid bitch!" He yelled, grabbing her by her hair and yanking her out.

Millie yelped and lashed out wildly, kicking him in the knee and hitting his arm. He made a thunderous growl and sunk his fist into her stomach, making her double up in pain. She whimpered and sunk to her knees before he kicked her which sent her screaming onto the ground.

That was when they came.

…

The man grabbed her taxi driver by his arms and pulled him back away from Millie, while the women helped Millie to her feet and lead her towards a house. The driver yelled and struggled as the man bundled him into the back of the taxi, and threw three £20 notes into the passenger seat. He then followed the women and Millie into his house and shut the door.

They both helped Millie onto a seat, who was whimpering with fear.

"Hey, easy now. We're not going to hurt you." The women said quietly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Millie nodded slowly, still not trusting the strangers.

"I'm Max." The man said, "This is Natalie, My fiancée. What's your name?"

"M-Millie." Millie mumbled as Natalie placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Can you tell me where it hurts?" Natalie asked, then after seeing Millie's fearful look, added "Hey don't worry I'm a doctor, I know what I'm doing."

Natalie pointed at her badge which was on the kitchen counter beside where Millie was sitting.

Millie nodded. Doctor. She trusted Doctors.

Millie stared up at them both, getting a look at the people who had saved her properly for the first time. The women, Natalie, had long brown hair tied back in a pony tail while the man, Max, had a round face with short black hair, which reminded her of someone, but who, she wasn't sure.

"Can you tell me where it hurts, Millie?" Asked Natalie again as Max stepped out of the room.

"M-My stomach…" Millie said, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Ok, Millie I'm going to take you upstairs and lay you down. I need to make sure that you're ok, alright?" Natalie said sweetly, taking one of Millie's hands gently and leading her upstairs.

Millie nodded after some hesitation, and allowed Natalie to take off her coat and lay her down on the bed.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been two weeks since Millie had ran away, and Rachel had been staying with Terry, unable to face an empty flat. There had been no clue as to where she is now, as the Taxi driver she went with was not a registered vehicle. Everyone, including Sally had told her to expect the worst, since she was almost run down about 5 times when Rachel and Sally gave chase. What was worse for Rachel, however, was that this may never had happened if Gina had gotten rids of the tape.

Rachel had refused to speak to anyone but Sally, who was more than happy to help but was starting to regret agreeing, as Rachel phoned up about 12 times a day, be it 3am or 9pm.

Rachel was having trouble dealing with what the psychiatrist had told her Millie could be suffering from. She recalled him saying that when a person has taken to much emotional upheaval for the brain to deal with there are two possible outcomes, it can send them mad with pain, or they can simply forget anything tied to the pain. He also added that there is a possibility that she will be terrified of the slightest thing that could make her remember and it will take a miracle for her to trust anyone from her past again.

No one was giving up hope that she would resurface, but people were starting to wonder if they should simply let her live her life away from everyone and give her a fresh start. No one would say it to Rachel's face but she knew that they were thinking it. Rachel knew that no matter what she would never give up on finding her girlfriend.

…

Terry tapped Rachel on the shoulder and shoved a piping hot cup of black coffee in her line of sight. Rachel nodded and took a sip before returning once more to her thoughts.

Terry sighed and moved away knowing that it was best not to disturb her, the last time she tried Rachel jumped down her throat. She walked slowly into the kitchen and smiled slightly at the picture on the windowsill. It was of her, Rachel, Millie and Sally when Sally had taken them all down to Blackpool beach for a couple of days. No one had seen Millie laugh so hard when Rachel ended up with a cotton candy moustache.

Terry winced slightly as her thoughts dragged her back to the present, and to her sister sitting alone on the couch in her usual towering rage. Terry knew that she should have more sympathy when it came to her sister, but she found herself with little to spare, so instead found herself angry at how childishly she was behaving, sitting on a seat and refusing to move simply because her girlfriend was gone. Terry wanted desperately for Rachel to get up off of the sofa and go out and try searching for her, but she just left that job to Sally while she sat in the dark and drowned her sorrows with bottles of beer.

Terry sighed and moved back into the living room.

Time to get Rachel moving, regardless of how much effort it takes.

…

Sally was sat in the canteen, where most of the relief was. They had all spent the day searching for Millie yet again, but to no avail. Millie was long gone. Smithy was leaning against the table Millie usually sat at, staring at the seat with a vacant expression on her face. They all knew that Millie had no memory of them anymore, and that hurt more than some though it would if she was dead to some.

Sick of the silence, Sally stood up and began to speak.

"All of you, stop moping around like she's dead! She's not. We can still find her alive and well. Why are you all acting like there is no hope? We're cops for crying out loud! Not mourners at a funeral. We've all been there and done that, not so long ago in the case of Emma, and I'm not losing another friend just because a bunch of cynics can't be bothered to get up off of their asses and search for a fellow officer who could be hurt, or worse!"

"There's nowhere else to look, Sally."

"So that means that we all give up and call it quits on our friend, does it? You've searched for countless people in the past and I'm pretty sure that I can think of a case that every single one of you have refused to give up on, refused to believe that the end is really the end and now suddenly our friend and colleague is out there somewhere with no memory of who we are and you just want to leave her? What the hell is wrong with you all?"

"Sally face it, It's over we have no leads, she's gone."

"For the last damn time! She. Is. Not. GONE. Stop acting like she is. I don't really give a damn about your definition of gone, but mine is if we haven't found a body then they are still alive until someone can give me evidence they are not. We haven't found her blood on someone's half burnt hoodie, we haven't found dismembered body stuffed in skips and yet you are all willing to readily believe that she's dead, when all we have is she got into an unlicensed taxi driver who we saw drive her away."

"…To who knows where. Sally, she could have been buried alive for all we know. All we know for certain is that she's not here."

"Oh and that's enough for you is it? Your colleague's gone; she could be being tortured in some perverted freak's basement right now and all you can say is "It's over". What greats friends you lot turned out to be."

"Or, on the other hand she could be living in a mansion with no idea of who the hell we are and we could rush in there, find her, and force her to remember things that she would rather forget."

"And what about Sergeant Weston? The Millie that lashed out at us and ran away wasn't the Millie we all know. She's tough and yes the tape may have sent her overboard but we can't just give up because we think she's now a lunatic."

"No one's saying she's a luna-"

"But your all thinking it. Get up off of your lazy asses and find your colleague, or I'm gonna have to make you get up."

"Couldn't have put it better myself." Rachel said, grinning at Sally and surprising everyone. "Right you lot, up. We have an officer to find. And trust me if we don't find my girlfriend there is going to be trouble."

…

Rachel marched out of the nick along with 30 other officers, all of which had agreed to search every inch of the country if they had to. Gina had given them all a week off, and drafted in officers from all over the country to cover them. She kept them on active duty, so they could still legally use their badges to get into places.

"Where are we going Sarge?" Sally asked as they marched into the carpark and over to the nearest police car.

"We are going anywhere and everywhere. Wherever the search for Millie takes us. We'll be taking intel from other officers. But until then we are basically free lance, we're going to search wherever we can."


	10. Chapter 10

Two weeks had seen a definite change in Millie, specifically in her confidence. Though she didn't yet have the willpower to leave Natalie and Max's house, she was a lot more talkative about her situation than before. She had managed to tell them both in a roundabout way that she couldn't remember anything about who she is, only that her first name is Millie and she woke up surrounded by people in strange uniforms, which she later recalled to be police, which scared her.

Max and Natalie however were having a divide in opinion about what to do with her. Max thought she was an escaped criminal and should be handed into the police, while Natalie believed she may have been a victim of some kind of attack, because when she examined her she had a LOT of scars. Millie herself was blissfully unaware of their predicament, as she spent most of her days sleeping or watching daytime TV.

On this particular day she awoke to find Natalie in her room, watching her sleep with a worried expression on her face.

"Morning." Millie said, smiling slightly.

"Good afternoon." Natalie said, gesturing to the clock.

3:31pm.

"Oh damn!" Sighed Millie, "I'm gonna be late!"

"Late? Late for what?" Natalie asked, confused. "Have you remembered something?"

"Late... I'm not sure why I said that…" Millie mumbled. "That was weird."

"Maybe a job or something, are you employed?" Coaxed Natalie, staring at her imploringly.

"Maybe… I'm not sure." Millie said, frowning in concentration.

"Well, I need to check your stomach." Natalie said, pulling the covers off of her and unbuttoning the bottom of her pyjamas.

Natalie prodded her stomach as gently as she could, but even though it was gentle Millie still winced. She next took a penlight out of her pocket and shone it in her eyes, and frowned slightly.

"Am I ok?" Millie asked, not quite keeping the worry out of her voice.

"You have a lot of old scars… some don't seem to be fully healed, either. It looks like you were hurt by someone a few months ago." Natalie said awkwardly, putting a hand on her shoulder after she covered up her stomach.

"Could they have something to do with why I don't remember anything?" Millie asked, staring at her with a piercing gaze.

"Yes... Possibly, though there is no visible injury to your head. I think that the reason you don't remember who you are may be something emotional." Natalie said.

"Like what?"

"Millie... I don't want to upset you."

"Please, tell me!" Millie cried desperately.

"Millie I think you may have been raped."

…

Millie had drawn the covers up over her head, tears leaking from her eyes. As soon as Natalie had said it she knew that it was true, it had to be. But the thing is she still didn't know what exactly had happened. Every time she focussed on trying to remember who she was all she got was a low hissing sound in her head, like feedback from a microphone. Sometimes she would hear voices, one in particular telling her that she was going to be ok and that she wouldn't let anything hurt her, but she couldn't place the voice. Something in her more recent memories told her that she knew it, as she had recognised it straight away, but at the same time something was holding her back.

She thought about everything she remembered, which wasn't much. Waking up, being touched by that women….

Then it hit her. That women, the one who had touched her. That was the voice. Her name… was…. Millie gripped her head tightly.

_What the hell was her damn name?_

…

Millie stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen, grabbing the attention of Natalie and Max instantly.

"Millie! You ok?" Natalie asked, rushing to her side and lowering her onto a chair.

"I remembered something…" Mumbled Millie as Natalie and Max knelt down in front of her.

"What is it?" They said in unison, their worried faces matching.

"The women I told you about, the one who touched my arm, she was one of the ones who helped me when I was…." Millie said quietly.

"Millie how'd you know that?" Max asked, placing an his hand gently on her arm.

"I remember her voice... she said that she wouldn't let anyone hurt me… she... I think she was a police officer." Millie said, staring at her knees.

"If you're remembering voices... you may be starting to remember who you are Millie." Natalie said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Good." Millie said. "I think."  
>"You think? Don't you want to know who you are?"<p>

"I'm... Not sure if I do. What if I find out something else like I had a relationship with someone or something? How the hell am I going to explain this to them?"

…

Rachel and Sally had been travelling for ages now, weaving in and out of traffic by flashing the sirens to get by them. They were about 12 miles out of London now, and still going. They had pulled off of the M25 and headed north as soon as they could hoping that had headed somewhere that they knew. They decided the best place to start was Blackpool.

The trip they had taken to there had been memorable, Millie had finally loosened up after several sleepless nights where she had found it difficult to sleep because of the attack. Sally had remained mostly silent throughout the trip, cradling the walkie talkie that was the connection she had to the rest of the team on her lap. She was afraid and didn't quite know how she was going to tell Rachel that she was scared that everything she had said back in the canteen was a lie, if Millie was really gone after all.

Rachel was concentrating on her driving far too much to notice how uncomfortable Sally was looking; she was too focussed on Millie to care.

"How far is it?" Sally asked after several hours of silence.

"We're a few hours away yet." Replied Rachel without looking around. "You hungry?"

"Yeah." Admitted Sally, prodding her growling stomach.

"There's something in the glove box." Rachel said, opening it and giving her a large chocolate bar.

Sally nodded thanks and ate the entire bar in about two minutes, greedily demolishing it in her mouth; after all, it had been about 20 hours since she ate anything.

A few more hours sidled by in silence, with Sally growing sleepier and time wore on, becoming lethargic because of the heating in the car. Just as her eyes closed Rachel sighed impatiently and poked her awake.

"Come on Armstrong. I need you awake just in case we get any news from anyone."

"Right, sorry Sarge…" Muttered Sally.

"Sierra Oscar Six, do you read me?" Said a voice through the radio.

"This is sierra Oscar six, what have you got?" Sally replied as Rachel turned to face her.

"Millie headed west, she could be somewhere near Devon according to reports, someone spotted a taxi with a women in the back which matches Millie's description heading down a motorway." Smithy called. "We're heading that way now."

"OK we're on our way." Rachel said, turning the car around and heading back the way they came.


	11. Chapter 11

By the time Rachel had pulled up at the petrol station just off of the motorway it was well into the next morning. She and Sally immediately noticed Smithy with a man handcuffed in the back of his unmarked black car. Both Rachel and Millie simultaneously ran over and gasped. It was the man from the CCTV footage. The man who owned the taxi.

He had a large gash down his face and several scratches on his arms. He was struggling ferociously in the back, pulling against the handcuffs with all his might. Smithy was leaning against the window, yelling at him to calm down.

"Stop struggling already! You're in enough bloody trouble!" He shouted over the man's thundering growls.

Rachel stormed up to the car and opened the door, the man falling out into the pavement. Rachel made to kick him but Sally held her back, warning her away with a glance.

"Where is she?" Rachel yelled, sally restraining her arms.

"What the hell is this? You lot are MAD!" cried the man angrily. "Untie me, lunatics!"

"You're not going anywhere. Tell us where Millie Brown is, now." Smithy said terrifyingly calmly.

"I don't know any _Millie brown" _The man replied, eyeing the furious Rachel warily.

"You fucking lair! She was in your damn taxi!" Cried Rachel, gaining a disapproving look from Smithy at the swearword.

"I don't have a tax-" The man began a little too quickly.

Rachel snarled with rage and marched forward, picking the man up by the ear and hissing at him.

"We have eyewitness reports that say you had Millie Brown in the back of your Taxi, we have your registration number and we already checked your house. You better start talking. NOW!"

"I don't know any Millie bloody Brown!" The man yelled, struggling against his handcuffs "Now let me go!"

"Medium height, red hair, wearing a white fluffy coat." Sally said, looking at the man with disgust.

"Oh wait, the crazy woman?" The man suddenly laughed. "That stupid bitch got what was coming to her."

Everyone went very still.

"And what" Said Rachel menacingly, "Do you mean by that?"

"That stupid bitch wouldn't pay so I punched her in the stomach before two idiots came out of their house and paid for her. She scratched the living hell out of my face!" The man said. "That reminds me, I wanna press charges against that bitch and them!"

"YOU-" Rachel yelled, kicking him in the stomach. "Tell me where you dropped her off, now!"

"Like hell I will!" Wheezed the man, coughing up blood.

"TELL ME!" Yelled Rachel as an alarmed Sally grabbed her arms and started to pull her back.

"Alright! Alright. St Georges Terrace, Plymouth!"

…

Millie jerked her head up at the knock on her door, before hesitantly calling "Come in!"

Natalie poked her head around the doorway and smiled at Millie who was pulling her top over her head.

"Hey, Max and I are going now, are you sure that you're going to be alright?"

"I'll be fine; I'll just go on the laptop or something." Millie replied, grinning.

"Well… only if you're sure. I'll see you when you get back." Natalie said, shutting the door.

Millie blew out a low sigh of relief. She wanted them to go so she could check up on something. There were names floating around her head like a swarm of bees, and yet she still had no idea who they were. She didn't expect Natalie and max to know who these people where, since she had a feeling she knew them, so she had waited until they had gone out to prepare things for their wedding before she took their laptop into the room she was staying in and did some research of her own.

She heard the door slam shut downstairs and decided now was the best time for her to check. She walked quickly down the stoats and took the lead out of their laptop before heading back up and sitting on her bed. After a brief read of the manual she recalled how to turn it on and get onto a search engine. The first name she typed turned out to be the prime minister, and since she didn't know what a prime minister was she checked that up as well.

After a few hours of searching, she started to narrow her search. There were fewer names to go through now, as she searched these names seemed to be sticking out more. The first one she tried was Tony Stamp.

The first thing that popped up on her screen was several old newspaper articles about a hero police officer saving a woman from getting shot, and the next few were much newer of a round man with grey hair and a smile on his face sitting with a row of police officers… three others of which she recognised.

Gina Gold, Rachel Weston, Sally Armstrong.

Millie gasped as she scanned the rows of officers for their faces, recognising them immediately. Those four were the officers who had grabbed her in the cabinet room.

Millie slammed the laptop shut, trying desperately to shut the images of that day out of her head but with little success. Something in her head was telling her to look again.

She opened up the laptop as though it was covered in sewage, and again stared at the photo before her. She scanned the lines of officers again picking out the faces of a few of them. Then one made her stop in her tracks. A woman with red hair, just like hers. In fact everything about this woman was just like her. Millie fearfully read the caption underneath.

Millie brown.

…

Sally clung to the sides of her seat, staring out of the window incredulously as Rachel sped up further to about 120 miles per hour, flashing the sirens at any cars that refused to get out of her way. Her eyes had jagged red marks around them because of a lack of sleep, and her mouth was a grim slash of determination.

"Rachel slow down! You're not going to help her by getting into an accident!" Shouted Sally over the loud humming the car was making.

Rachel growled and muttered something under her breath which Sally couldn't hear before slowing down to the speed limit of 60mph.

"Happy now?" she mumbled after several seconds of awkward silence.

"I'm not going to be happy until we find Millie." Sally said, "But we can't do that if we end up dead through reckless driving."

Rachel nodded and apologized, before snapping her focus back to the task at hand once more.

"How far is it now?" Sally asked, staring out of the side window at the cars.

"Not entirely sure, I think about 5 or 6 miles, we should be there soon." Rachel replied. "All units are heading this way, right?"

"Yep." Replied Sally. "They are all heading to St Georges Terrace as we speak."

…

Millie had grabbed as many supplies as she could find. She had packed them all into a suitcase and was now pulling a trolley down and out through the front door. There was somewhere she had to go; she just knew that it would contain all the answers.

A large warehouse, just on the outskirts of London. The one place other than this she hadn't forgotten.

It had to be connected to everything, didn't it?


	12. Chapter 12

Rachel pulled up just slightly away from the road sign of St Georges Terrace and she and Sally stepped quickly out onto the pavement. They stared around them. The buildings were all different colours, and though it looked like a fairly urban area it was a lot greener than London was, as though it was on the very outskirts of a big city. Rachel sniffed the sea air and wrinkled her nose, disliking the sting of salt. She cast her eyes around the street again, the street was fairly narrow, with a couple of side turnings nearby, and they could hear a main road some streets away, but even from where they stood the roar of the traffic was loud.

"Have you got any idea why she came here?" Sally asked Rachel as she stared around at the rainbow of houses.

"None. She never spoke to me about Plymouth." Rachel replied, locking the car doors.

"If we find her, D'you think she'll come back with us?"

Rachel didn't answer. Instead she headed towards the nearest house and rang the bell.

An old woman wearing a pink cardigan answered. She looked at least eighty, and held up a hand to silence Rachel while she put her teeth and hearing aid in. Sally joined her soon, and began the questioning.

"Hello, PC Sally Armstrong, PC Rachel Weston, Sun Hill." Rachel said. "We are looking for-"

"Sun 'ill? That's a bit far init?" The old woman hissed through her ill fitting teeth. "What'dya want with an old woman then? Come to arrest me for the robbery in '86?"

"What? No. We're looking for-" Began Sally, getting slightly irritated by the woman's lack of understanding.

"'Course it wasn't _really _a robbery, the shop was open and it was my friend who had the idea, not me…" The women trailed off scratching her head as if she couldn't remember exactly what happened next.

"We are looking for this woman, have you seen her?" Interrupted Rachel before she started again.

Rachel pulled a picture out of her pocket of Millie in her police uniform.

"Hmm? Haven't got me glasses on love." The women said, leaning in to get a closer look.

Rachel sighed.

"Well have there been any commotion on the street lately? Say, in the last 3 weeks?"

"Commotion? Umm.. well there was a commotion on the street a few weeks ago, a women was taken in by Natalie and Max apparently." The women said, again scratching her head.

"And where do they live?" Rachel asked.

"Just over there but they're not in they went to pr- Oh! There they are now."

A black car pulled up and two people shot out and raced into their house, Millie's name. Rachel and Sally crossed the street and ran over to the house, of which the door was still open.

"Hello? Is there a problem?" Rachel called. "We heard that Millie Brown could be here-"

"Millie Brown? Yes she was but it looks like she's headed off!" Called a Man from upstairs. "Come up!"

"Do you know where?" Rachel asked the man.

"I think she may have headed here."

Max pointed a laptop screen at her, and when the screen light flicked on a very familiar warehouse flickered onto the screen.

No. _No. _

…

Millie smiled a thank you to the truck driver who had kindly agreed to drop her off at the warehouse after she had begged him to let her on free of charge. He appeared taken in by her soft story of going to find her lost dog who had been spotted there, and though Millie felt guilty for lying to him, she knew that this was where she had to be.

As she headed down the slight slope to where the warehouse was, she stared at it and shuddered. Why, she wasn't sure but she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end, and an odd sense of foreboding as she stepped closer. When she reached the first garage- like door, she saw that the last time it was closed the gear had been jammed by something, and there was still about a foot's worth of space at the bottom.

She moved her hands gently under the gap and heaved the door up until it was at head height, and stepped inside. It was gloomy, but what she could see made her stomach churn. There were broken bottles and rocks strewn all over the floor, and blood on the walls. There were wooden barrels up against the walls, and a CCTV camera following her every move. Still she moved closer to her destination.

There were images running through her head at this point, and voices of people she once knew, shouting and yelling at her to get down. For a moment she lost her bearings, and she was back in the battle. One of the blonde women was beside her as they dodged behind a barrel for cover from the ricocheting rocks and smashing bottles being launched in their direction. Then he was there, and she lost her bearings once more. She felt her own heartbeat quicken as she ran towards him….

Suddenly she was on the ground, and he was coming towards her. He grabbed her and after swiftly punching her in the forehead he knocked her out, but Millie in real-time still saw what was going on. She watched as he carried her through the door at the back, then she watched as a man with short black hair and a round face shot out of nowhere and launched himself at the door, banging on it in frustration.

As Millie studied the man's face she realized who he was… Smithy.

His name was Smithy.

Millie stumbled over the threshold of the vet like room and gasped as more images came towards her. She saw his hands touching her legs, pulling her onto the floor….

Millie screamed and sank to the ground as a great wave of memories swam towards her, forcing her to remember everything. Names swam around her head, suddenly faces had meaning, and enemies became friends and loved ones. Millie's thought focussed on one person.

_Oh Rachel, what must you think of me? _Millie cried inside her head, as she wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

"She thinks you've left her." Said Jim Davis, as if he heard her thoughts.

…

Rachel must have been at least going at triple the speed limit.

Sally was clinging to the sides of her seat for dear life as she and Rachel raced back up the motorway with Smithy in the back. Sally had tried yelling at Rachel to slow down, but it appeared she couldn't hear her, too intent on her goal. She had to find Millie. Sally had placed a radio call to all the other officers looking for Millie about 30 seconds after they had got the news of where she was headed, but most of the officers were too far away.

She, Rachel and Smithy were the only ones that could help Millie now.


	13. Chapter 13

Millie stood facing him, trying her best to look brave. She was failing miserably.

Her knees shook violently as she had pulled herself to her feet, causing Davis to sneer at her. She was wringing her hands to stop them from shaking so much, but Davis noticed that too.

"Well well, Millie Brown." He said flatly, as though he was bored with the proceedings. "How weak you've become."

"I'm not weak." Whispered Millie so her voice didn't shake.

"Then what exactly are you? _Please don't _say brave." David sniggered as he moved and leant on the large metal table in the centre of the room.

"I…." Millie faltered, at a loss of what to say.

Davis laughed coldly, sending shivers down Millie's spine.

"What are you doing here?" Hissed Millie, hoping that her voice didn't sound too weak. "Last time I checked the dead don't return."

Davis considered this for a moment. "No, they don't."

"So how are you here?" Millie asked, the tremble in her voice clear.

"I have a better question. Why are _you _here? Did you miss me or something?" Sneered Davis, staring at her with a smirk.

Millie cringed and backed away, before falling into a chair she didn't know was there.

"You must miss me a lot if you want to sit in _that _specific chair Millie." Davis laughed, his exclamation sending yet another shiver down Millie's spine.

Millie yelped and jumped up when she realized what chair she had been sitting on, it was the same one she had been tied to all those months ago. Again Davis laughed.

"You are still haunted by the past, it seems." Davis noted, staring at her with a lazy expression on his face.

"What do you expect?" Muttered Millie as she backed away from both him and the chair.

"I thought you were strong. You tried to fight against me before." David sneered.

"Yes I did, before you tried to rape me and lost my memory. Times change, Davis." Millie said, straightening herself up and staring him full in the face.

_No more begin afraid._ Millie said in her head.

"Good luck with that." Called Davis as he read her thoughts.

Millie snorted and walked around her side of the room, thinking of an escape.

"There's not way out of here, except through the door you came, the door right behind me."

Millie stared at him reproachfully and continued to look around. He was right.

"You can't stop me from leaving." Millie said after several minutes of silence.

"I don't have to, you're stopping yourself." Davis replied after she didn't move.

Millie simply glared for a full two minutes, before getting up and slowly walking over to him. His eyes narrowed and he took a step towards her, of which she did her best to ignore, but the instinct to run was getting stronger and stronger. Still she kept moving forwards, almost shuffling now as her pace had slowed up so much. With every step she took, Davis took one also.

Millie was a step away from the door, so was Davis. She could move, but something was holding her back. Something was telling her that she should stay where she is, something told her she had to finish this once and for all.

Millie stepped back again, much to Davis' amusement.

"You're pathetic." He sneered after his shouts of laughter died away.

"No. You are." Millie said through gritted teeth so her voice didn't shake.

"What?" Quizzed Davis, noticing her expression. "You finally growing a backbone?"

"You are pathetic" She continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"You've said that already." Davis said dryly.

"You think that what you tried to do for me was funny? You ruined my life!" Millie shouted, shaking with anger, not fear.

"Of course it's funny! I'm not even here and still I'm making your life a misery."

"You think that you own me, and Rachel, and Terry. But you don't we're stronger than you. We always have been. I refuse to let you paralyse my life any longer. I want to live, not forever be stuck in the past! You're right, you do scare me, but I can't let that fear paralyse me for the rest of my life, so why don't I call you what you are, you fucked up bastard!" Millie yelled, anger growing with every syllable she spoke.

That was when everything went wrong.

Davis roared and came charging towards her, his face contorted in fury. Millie yelled out and jumped back, tripping over a rock and falling to the ground.

He towered over her, a look of pure hatred and revulsion on his face as she spoke. Except the voice wasn't his. It was deep and echoing as though he was talking into a microphone.

"You are mine, you cannot fight it, fear may be only in our minds but it's taking over every time you think of me. I own your mind. You cannot run, cannot escape…"

Millie shut her ears to the sound and started screaming at the top of her lungs, squeezing her eyes shut and curling into a ball in the corner. Somehow she could still hear the voice in her head.

"You are everything I despise… for that I will make you pay…"

Rachel and Sally came crashing through the ceiling.

"Millie, what is it!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"You may have your friends, but even they cannot help you now.."

Davis's figure started to morph into another creature, it looked like a giant spider with only 2 eyes and horns.

"NO!"

"Millie it's just us!"

"I am your master, you will obey me... One twitch of my tail and you shall come..."

Davis had morphed into a lion.

"I SAID GET AWAY DAVIS"

"Millie, he's not here!"

"I am your master… come to me…"

Davis was now a snake, sliding towards her softly over the ground.

"AHHHH!"

"She's not hearing us, she's seeing him!"

"But he's dead!"

"I am everything… I am everyone…"

Millie jerked her head up just as Rachel and Sally's heads changed into Davis's.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Millie he's not here! Fight it!"

"You cannot disobey me… I will make you forget again…"

"PLEASE NO!"

"Millie he's dead!"

"I own you!"

"GET AWAY!"

"MILLIE HE'S DEAD!"

"YOU ARE EVERYTHING I DESPISE"

"NO! NO!"

"MILLIE LISTEN TO ME! It's Rachel! Your girlfriend! I love you!"

"I AM YOUR MASTER"

In spite of the situation, she looked up to see that Rachel was indeed standing there, along with Sally. She turned her head away from the ghost like Davis who was standing over her.

"He's gone, dead, He can't hurt you, or me, or anyone again! You have to believe me! He's gone and I need you to come back to me! Please babe come back I can't live without you!"

Davis gave one last snarl before evaporating on the spot into nothingness.

Millie stared at her girlfriend and gave her a look that could have meant anything.

Her eyes rolled back and she collapsed onto the floor.


	14. Chapter 14

Rachel had been staring at her girlfriend's face as she sat by her bedside for the best part of three hours. She had refused to leave for anything, and after numerous attempts from several members of the nick and Terry, they had all given up, reasoning that she was where she thought she needed to be and no one was going to be able to tell her otherwise. Rachel watched intently as Millie gave a slight sigh in her sleep, and as she shifted slightly in the hospital bed she inhabited. Her eyes opened slowly, as if scared of what she might see. Millie's eyes immediately fell upon Rachel.

"Rach…." Murmured Millie softly as she closed her eyes again.

"Hey, how are you feeling sweetheart?" Rachel asked, taking Millie's hand and entwining it with her own.

"Head 'urts" She mumbled a moment later.

"The doctor said that was to be expected, do you want me to go and ask them for some painkillers?" Rachel asked, staring at her face with a worried expression.

"No." Millie said a little more clearly as she opened her eyes and shuffled until she sat up straighter.

"How's your memory?" Rachel asked, almost willing the answer was what she was hoping.

"It's ok I guess. I remember everyone at the nick, my life and more importantly you and how we ended up together." Millie said a little coldly.

"Is.. Is something the matter?" Rachel asked, picking up on the cold tones.

"I need to ask you something. And I want an honest answer."

"Ok, what is it?" Rachel asked, trying to keep her voice from going higher.

She had been dreading this part.

"The tape, did you know about it?" Millie asked, staring at her intensely.

Rachel paused for a moment before answering. If she said yes, Millie would most likely yell at her to get out and break up with her. If she said no, she would be lying and it would only bite her in the backside somewhere down the line.

"Well?" Millie snapped impatiently, clearly she knew what the answer was.

"Yes." Said Rachel in a small voice. "I knew about it."

Millie blew out a long sigh and closed her eyes, clearly attempting to let this information sink in.

"How long?" She asked after several moments of deep breathing.

"Our first day back, Gina told me. I told Jo who I think told CID" Rachel replied in a voice that was barely a whisper.

Millie blew out a long breath, clearly struggling with this.

"You should have told me."

"I wanted to, but I was scared you may relapse, please Millie don't be angry with me."

Millie gave a mirthless laugh. "Angry? _Angry? _I'd be angry with you if you'd nicked a tennah from me or bought a cat without telling me. This goes way WAY beyond anger! You promised at the start of this relationship, no secrets, and no lies. You.. You BITCH!"

Millie was breathing heavily; her shoulders were shaking as the tears poured down Rachel's cheeks.

"Millie please-" Rachel begged.

"GET OUT! Leave me alone! Were _over! It's all over! _Get your stuff out of _my _flat and out of my life!"

With that Doctors rushed in and sedated a struggling Millie, while Rachel ran from the room in floods of tears.

…

Millie awoke about 4 hours later, listening to the sound of a beeping heart rate monitor and someone pacing around the room she was in. She was still in a dream state, half between reality and those nice, comfortable dreams you sometimes have of floating on clouds or being drifted gently ashore by the ocean tide.

"Rach.." Millie murmured, fully expecting to hear her loiving girlfriend's voice answer her.

"Millie... she's gone. Remember? You broke up with her." Came Sally's concerned tones.

Millie's eyes shot open and she flew bolt upright in the bed as she memories crashed down around her years like hailstones on a freezing morning.

Millie passed a hand over her eyes and stared around her for a moment before answering.

"Yeah" She said quietly. "I remember."

It was then the great waves of pain and remorse took hold of her, and she found herself crying for her ex girlfriend and being pulled into a tight hug by Sally, who held her until she stopped crying.

"You know it's not too late. Rachel's still here." Sally said gently as she eased her back onto the bed and shifted the covers up over her cheat.

"She is?" Millie said hopefully, a spark returning to her eyes. "Why?"

"She's begging one of the nurses to let her know how you are." Sally replied, gesturing through the window in the swinging doors.

Millie watched as Rachel, in floods of tears, begged one of the doctors to tell her what's going on, and bags which with a pang Millie recognised to have her stuff in on her arms and in a trolley she was pulling behind her.

"Sally... can you get her please?" Millie asked, stilling staring.

Sally nodded and walked swiftly through the doors and up to Rachel. After a long conversation of which Millie couldn't hear Rachel shook her head, gave something to Sally and walked off quickly.

Sally headed back through the doors and handed Millie a note which read:

_Millie, _

_I'm so sorry that I hurt you, and I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me but I can understand if you can't. I'm going to be leaving town for a month or two to get my head straight, and to give you the space that you need and deserve. Millie I hope you read this note, and if you do then I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm so sorry that my misguided way of protecting you ended up hurting you. I see now that you could never trust me, and I have ruined any future that we could have had together and I'm truly sorry for hurting you. I know I've said that about three times now, but I don't know what else I can say to make this better for you. _

_Wishing you a swift recovery_

_Rachel. _

"Rach…." Millie sobbed, cradling the letter as though it was a soft toy.

No one could stop her from crying. The sedative the doctors gave her this time around had no effect.


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter is focussing on Millie's stay at a mental hospital, and the journal she is forced to keep while she is there. It's basically excerpts from her journal. **

…

_Aug 25__th_

Ok, so I got told to keep this journal which is a way for me to track how I'm feeling throughout my stay here. I'm not entirely sure what the hell I should be writing, so I'm writing rubbish basically. What the hell do I start with?

Hi, I'm Millie and I'm a total bitch for breaking up with the girl who owns my heart, no, my very soul just because she was trying to protect me.

There. What more can I say except the food here is revolting.

…

Aug 29th

So here's my fourth entry: The days here all exactly the same. Wake up at 7, have a shower, eat breakfast, go talk to my counsellor about my feelings and other crap, lunch, 2 free hours, exercise for 2 hours, dinner, evening TV, write in my journal, go to sleep.

How exciting.

…

Sep 3rd

Oh MY GOD! My new next door neighbour is so loud! She won't stop talking to herself. Of course when I say next door neighbour I mean the women who now lives in the room next to mine. She talks to herself morning, noon and night. But mostly night. I'm getting no sleep and apparently I'm being too hard on the women. Maybe I should stop yelling at her; after all yelling didn't get me very far with Rachel.

On a lighter note, I'm finally allowed visitors. Sally and Terry came today and sat with me for ages giving me updates about life in general. They don't allow internet access her and I really had no idea how much life had moved on the short space of time that I've been here.

I asked about Rachel and Terry told me that she had had contact with her, but she was considering moving into the holiday home she is staying at if she can. I think they think that if they mention the R word I'm going to become a shuddering wreck on the floor. It's kind of funny but a tad annoying also, especially when they refuse to tell me how things are at the nick.

…

Sep 10th

I just got a letter from the courts dating the Jenny Ambers trial which in all honesty I had completely forgotten about. And to make matters worse the counselling sessions have really stepped up a gear, that guy won't just let me say I feel fine anymore, he wants to know every detail. In all honesty I just want a day to myself but I'm not allowed out of here at all. They won't agree to it. Now I have to propare for a court trial on the 3rd November, of which I'm guessing Rachel may be at too.

I hope so, anyway.

…

Sep 15th

I had a dream last night about me and Rachel: we were still together.

I really wish that that was the case.

I should never have left her.

…

Sep 23rd

I never should have shouted at the women next door, turns out her name is Mary and she had an abusive partner. I can't believe human begins can be so cruel, nor can I believe that I was naive enough to think that Davis was the only monster in this world.

I keep having the same dreams about Rachel and me, always her being just out or touching distance, then me blowing up into a towering rage.

Why did I have to hurt her?

…

Sep 29th

Today was awful. Rachel came over; she's back in town up until the court hearing, then she's moving to France. I tried to tell her I was sorry but it was just too much for her, she mumbled something about how she was glad I was feeling better and left. I don't think she's coming back.

I hate what I did to her.

…

Oct 3rd

Today was ok I guess... I got told I'm gonna be out of here by about the 25th of this month, after which I have to sign in every day and have a counselling session every week. It's not so bad, at least I get to breath in fresh air, they won't even let me out onto the balcony ever since someone tried to throw themselves off.

…

Oct 14th

Geez! Sally and Terry need to take a chill pill! They are so overprotective. They have visited me practically every day with week so far and keep constantly asking the same thing: "Are you ok"

Thinking about getting "I AM FINE" tattooed on my head when I get out of here.

…

Oct 23rd

Its 2 days before I get to leave and live my life once again, but I don't care bout that. Someone killed themselves this morning; they threw themselves off of the roof. I tried to talk him down but he wasn't having any of it. I'm still a little shaken up I guess. I refused my visitors and just locked myself in my room, I need time to reflect.

…

Oct 24th

Despite yesterday, I'm looking forwards to getting out of here. Sally and Terry are coming to pick me up in the morning, after that I'm free. The court case has been set back to the 29th of this month now though, I think the barrister Wayne hired is trying to make me look mad.

The main thing I'm focussing on is talking to Rachel, she agreed to let me go around to her flat tomorrow night with Terry for dinner. I'm a little nervous to be honest, but I know my priorities.

I want Rachel back.


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel was sitting at a table which had become very awkward in the last 2 minutes. Millie was staring at her with a disbelieving expression on her face, while Terry pretended to be interested in the piece of carrot that was poked onto the end of her fork.

"W-what?" Millie managed to say after a while.

…

**Several minutes before….**

Rachel greeted Terry more than she did Millie when they rung the bell at her house, she hugged her sister tightly and offered a hand politely to Millie who took it with a slight frown on her face. As they walked inside Rachel made sure that Terry was in between her and Millie, and if she wasn't Rachel would turn away from Millie.

They prepared dinner in silence, save a couple of awkward conversations made by Terry in a vain attempt to lighten the mood. When dinner was ready that all sat down and faced each other, but no one started eating.

For the first time Rachel looked Millie directly in the eye. "We need to talk."

"Yeah." Agreed Millie. "We do."

"Millie there's something I need to-"

"Rachel I'm sorry!" Millie blurted out before Rachel could start.

"_You're _sorry?" Rachel repeated incredulously. "What on earth for?"

"I never should have broken up with you… I-I still love you." Millie said, staring at her with a pleading look.

Rachel looked down at her plate and sighed. "I'm sorry Millie but it's too late. We _are _over."

"No!" Millie almost shouted, leaping to her feet. "I need you, I love you! Please I know I made a mistake, but don't give up on us, I'm begging you!"

"Millie there is no us. We were finished a long time ago. You were right. We can't be together if we can't tell each other everything. Neither of us could open up about how we were feeling after Davis hurt us."

"Rachel no. I was wrong. We know that we love each other, we don't need anything else." Millie cried desperately, trying to catch Rachel's gaze.

Terry pretended to be interested in the roast potatoes to avoid being dragged into the argument.

"Millie I'm sorry, but I have made up my mind. We can't get back together." Rachel said firmly. "And before you interrupted me... I have something to tell you both. I tried to get Sally here too but she's working so I hope that one of you can tell her."

"What?" Terry asked through a mouthful of carrots.

"I-I'm moving. To California."

…

Sally stared at Rachel like she had gone mad. After Millie and Terry and point blank refused to tell Sally for her, she was forced to abandon dinner and drive up to the station to tell her herself. Millie had been in tatters as Rachel had suspected but she couldn't help her or anyone here anymore.

"Rachel you can't! You have a life here! You have a job! What about Millie?" Sally shouted.

"Millie and I are never getting back together. "

"You can't just abandon her!"

"She broke up with me, remember?"

"Yes, but she wants you back, you still love her don't you?"

"Of course I do! This is one of the hardest things I have ever done!" Rachel cried. "My whole life is in Sun Hill! But I can't live here anymore; I have no reason to stay!"

"You have every reason to stay! The love of your life lives here, your job is here, your friends are here!" Sally shouted back spreading her arms wide. "Everything you know is here!" 

"Yes Sally, _everything._ There is a pub less than a mile away where I was attacked, there is a hospital near here that I seem to be spending half of my life in! There are too many memories of Millie here!"

…

**A few days later…**

Millie was sitting on her bed in her flat, the one her and Rachel had woken up in every day, staring at a photo of her ex- girlfriend. There were tears running down her cheeks and onto the suit she was wearing, for today was court day. This was going to be the last time she ever saw Rachel.

…

Rachel was rummaging through the draws in her cheap flat, making sure she had everything she needed for tomorrows flight. Her fingers closed around a scrap of paper lodged in one of the grooves of the chest of draws. It was a note, from Millie.

…

Millie got up slowly and walked around the room, not wanting to face the day ahead. But part of her knew that she had to. The last time she was Rachel was going to be hard to deal with but it had to be done to at least gain some kind of closure.

…

Rachel sat there in shock, she had forgotten about this note, it had been a long time since Millie had given it to her. It was the day before Millie asked her to move in, and it read:

_Rachel, _

_I could write you an amazingly long monologue of how I am feeling right now, but really all I want to do is say this, I love you more than I could ever express with a kiss or a hug. I never want to be away from you, you are everything to me and you always will be._

_Millie_

_xxx_

Rachel sighed slightly and jerked her head up as the taxi driver beeped his horn, time to go to court. She stuffed the letter in her pocket, smiling slightly as she did so. She had to make things right with Millie.

…

Millie allowed her tears to drip onto the photo, as she slowly clambered to her feet and dtared at the door.

She had to find a way to get Rachel back.


	17. Chapter 17

Rachel's car pulled up outside the court house and she slowly stepped out, staring at the scene around her. She shuddered slightly as she caught Martin Wayne staring at her, but it was more because he reminded her of Millie, after she had been attacked. Rachel was the first to break eye contact as she scanned the people's heads to get a better look at what was going on and to look out for one person in particular.

Sally saw her, and immediately turned away, for Rachel had called her and told her that it was best that they didn't speak again. Next she saw Terry, who was standing beside Sally, looking stricken. Terry didn't appear to see her, or rather, she was ignoring her.

At last Rachel's gaze fell upon the person she most wanted to see. Millie was standing a little away from the crowds, looking down at her feet. She had what resembled a photo in her hands, and with a chill Rachel noticed the tears pouring down her cheeks.

Rachel made to go towards her, but Sally got there first, pulling her into a tight hug and leading her over to where Terry was standing. Rachel sighed. She felt like an outsider as though she was the criminal here and not Wayne.

A man came out a few minutes later and told them all to go inside and be seated in the court room, so they could start the trial. Rachel, Millie and Sally were taken into the waiting room for anyone who was called as a witness or had any part in the trail. It was there they found Jenny.

Rachel sat a little away from everyone else, trying to catch what Millie was saying to comfort Jenny while Sally rubbed her back and shot Rachel dark looks. Rachel turned away in her seat, unable to bear it any longer.

"Rachel Weston to the stand please." Said a man who had poked his head around the door with a book in his hand.

Rachel jerked her head up and nodded, before getting to her feet and walking past Millie to the door, who gave her a sad look, of which she tried to smile reassuringly, but a lump rose in her throat and she could feel tears welling up so she walked hurriedly from the room.

After she had been sworn in, the questioning began.

"You were attacked by the defendant, were you not?" Asked the barrister kindly.

"Yes I was." Rachel confirmed.

"Can you explain to the court exactly what happened?"

"Wayne broke into out flat. I told the women who was with me, Millie, to get into a corner and stay there while I went to hold him off away from her. He knocked me out and when I came to I was in the hospital with Millie next to me." Rachel said.

"And can you be a hundred percent sure that the person you saw was indeed Mr. Wayne?"

"I saw his face clearly. I am a hundred percent sure it was him."

"No further questions your honour."

Next another woman got up; she had a shrewd expression on her face and was eyeing Rachel as though she was dangerous.

"What is your relationship to Millie Brown?" She asked as if she already knew the answer.

"Objection! Relevance!" Shouted the other barrister.

"Your honour I was simply trying to determine whether or not Rachel's feeling for her _friend _would cause her to lie."

"Objection overruled." Called the judge. "Please answer the question Ms. Weston."  
>"Millie was my girlfriend." Rachel replied, staring at the women through narrowed eyes.<p>

"I see, and though the evidence shows that Millie was indeed punched by Mr. Wayne, since you were unconscious, can you say for certain that he did not act in self defence?"

Rachel stiffened. "No." She said through gritted teeth. "But Millie isn't-"

"And is it also true that Millie was almost raped herself less than a year ago?"

"Yes. But Millie isn't-"

"So for all you know, Millie could have lost it with Mr. Wayne, and tried to attack him for hurting someone like she was almost hurt."

Rachel didn't answer straight away.

"Answer, Ms. Weston." The barrister said confidently as a smile played about her lips.

"She could have lost it." Rachel admitted, spitting the words out like poison. "But Millie isn't violent!"

"Thank you your honour. No further questions for this witness."

"Defence, please call your next witness."

"The defence calls the alleged victim, Jenny ambers."

A murmur ran through the crowds at the point.

Rachel stepped down and walked over to where the crowds were sitting, her ears ringing with the barrister's words.

…

Millie watched as Jenny was lead away from them and into the court room. She turned to Sally with a worried expression on her face.

"Do you think she'll be ok?" Millie asked quietly.

Sally sighed. "I don't know Millie, I really don't know."

…

About an hour had passed and Millie and Sally were still waiting for the next witness to be called. Suddenly the doors swung open and Jenny ran in, tears spilling down her face.

"Hey, what happened?" Sally almost shouted, running up to her along with Millie and helping her into a chair.

"I-I-It was h-horrible!" Jenny sobbed, allowing Millie to hug her.

It was then they realized there was still a man at the door.

"Ms. Millie Brown please."

…

Rachel watched in horror as Millie was sworn in, and heaved a great sigh to calm her nerves.

"Miss Brown. I understand that less than a year ago you were the victim of an attempted sexual assault. I will try to keep this as brief as possible." The nice barrister said.

Millie nodded thanks, her lips trembling too much to speak.

"Miss Brown, can you describe the state of the alleged victim when you found her that day?"

Millie nodded. "She was disoriented from the drugs in her system and was covered in mud, and bruises."

"Ok what happened when you bought her to the hospital?"

"She had forgotten everything, but soon realized that her ex boyfriend Martin Wayne probably hurt her, at that point she broke down."

"You were taken off the case shortly after you interviewed her, why was this?"

"My inspector and sergeant feared that I was getting too close to the case, and it could bring back memories of when I was…"

"Ok Miss Brown, can you tell me what happened when he broke into the house you and your girlfriend were in?"

"Rachel told me to get into a corner and stay there; she was knocked out about 30 seconds later. He then walked over to her and punched me in the stomach, and then knocked me out."

"And you in no way aggravated him, for goaded him into attacking you?"

"No." said Millie confidently.

"OK thank you Miss Brown, no further questions your honour."

The other barrister got up and eyed Millie with the same shrewd expression she had given Rachel and Jenny.

"Miss Brown, did Martin Wayne remind you of Jim Davis in any way?"

"Objection relevance." Shouted the other barrister.

"Again, I am simply trying to gain perspective here."

"Overruled. Please move this line of questioning along quickly"

"Answer, Miss Brown."

"In some ways yes, Jim Davis was violent and so was Wayne. But I didn't make that connection when he was hitting me."

"Why not?"

"I was knocked out to quickly to think about much."

"Miss Brown, have you ever had any issues with anger?"

"No."

"None?"

"Well, I did yell at my partner, Sally Armstrong after Jenny was attacked for telling me I couldn't handle the case."

"And was she right?"

"Yes. In hindsight I realize she was."

"It says here on your file that you lost your memory temporarily for a couple of months. Can you remember everything now?"

"The majority of things. Some things when I was a child are still a little fuzzy."

"How well do you remember the night Wayne allegedly attacked you?"

"Quite well, though the few seconds around when he punched me first are a little vague."

"So for all you know you could have punched him?"

"What? No I-"

"You said that you couldn't remember properly, so why do you think you didn't?"

"I…"

"Miss Brown, please answer the question."

"I can't say I didn't hit him first." Millie admitted.

"You bitch! Leave her alone!" Rachel yelled from the stands.

…

The court room erupted into noise, much to the judge's distaste.

"Order! Order! I must have order!" He yelled over the ruckus.

Rachel was still glaring at the barrister, who was shooting her a look of pure hatred.

"Your honour, I suggest that she is removed from this courtroom, post haste." The barrister shouted, pointing a stubby finger Rachel.

"Miss Weston, you have one chance, disrupt the court again and I will have no choice to throw you out and charge you with obstruction of justice." The judge said plainly. "And this witness' line questioning is _over. _Miss Brown, feel free to join the spectators."

Millie hopped out of the stands and over to Rachel who pulled her into a tight hug.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Rachel murmured softly in Millie's ear. "We have a lot to talk about."


	18. Chapter 18

Rachel and Millie walked slowly down the road together from the court house, Rachel's arm draped protectively over her shoulder. They gained a few quizzical looks from passers by but none pf them dare go near Rachel's thunderous expression. Rachel led Millie into a park and sat her down on the bench.

"Rachel I-"

"Millie are you-"

They both grinned sheepishly.

"You go first." Rachel said, taking her hand.

"I'm sorry about everything, I know that I can't stop you going away but I really can't live without you... look." Millie said, taking the tattered photo from her pocket.

Rachel smiled and bought out the note. "I can't live without you, either."

"Rach…" Millie began, but Rachel silenced her with a kiss.

"I know what you're going to ask. But I'm sorry, I have to leave."

Rachel felt a massive twinge of guilt when she saw the tears welling up in her lover's eyes.

"Rach... I can't do this." Millie sobbed, "Please don't go…"

"Millie I'm sorry but I must. I really wish that there was some other way but I have to go." Rachel murmured.

Suddenly an idea hit her.

"Millie… will you come with me? Will you live with me?"

…

Millie stared at her for several seconds, allowing exactly what her girlfriend had proposed to sink in.

"You... want me to…." Millie stammered, staring at her girlfriend's determined expression with pure shock.

"Millie I know that this is completely out of the blue, but it would give us a fresh start and it would be away from everyone. We would be free of all of this!"

"But our friends are here…" Millie mumbled.

"I know, and I'm not forcing you to come, but this place... has too many memories for me and for you, it's not healthy. We are constantly reminded of what happened."

"You're... You're right…." Millie said.

Millie looked straight into her eyes and smiled something she hadn't done in a very long time. She saw the pain of being hurt by someone and separated for so long, and she also saw the passion and love mixed with the guilt of not telling her about the tape, Rachel was right. That is too much for one person to have to deal with. Millie found herself wondering if she saw the same thing reflected in her eyes.

"Rach, I love you so much, more than I could ever put into words, and I see what you mean, there is too much pain here."

"So…" Coaxed Rachel as she stared deep into her lover's eyes.

"I'll come with you." Millie said, planting yet another kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

…

It was over, Terry had seen them both off with a giant party of which everyone but Millie and Rachel were still nursing hangovers from, and Sally and Rachel had made up, agreeing that they both should have been easier on each other. Jenny had come around and announced Wayne's 20 year sentence in a gleeful voice and thanked everyone for being so supportive. Gina and everyone else from the nick had wished them well, as they met at the airport. Last night had been something more than just a party for Millie and Rachel too, but the in between the sheets experience they had wasn't what had made them closer than ever, it was the rings that now sat on each other's fingers, not engagement rings, but rings that symbolized exactly what the old photo meant to Millie and the note meant to Rachel.

Pure, honest and true love. You don't find that every day.

"Millie?" Rachel asked the red haired women who had wrapped her arm around Rachel when the first sat down on the plane.

"Mmm?" Millie asked, caressing her girlfriend's hair.

"You know how much I love you right?"

"Yes Rachel, Yes I do."

_**END**_

…

_**Thanks for reading to the end of Hindsight, and I hope you enjoyed it. Please don't forget to review. **_

_**I might add a couple more chapters later. **_


End file.
